part V essay writing

Part V. Essay Writing

This chapter focuses on the steps in writing an effective essay: 1. Begin with a point, or thesis.

2. Support the thesis with specific evidence. 3. Organize and connect the specific evidence. 4. Write clear, error-free sentences.

I. Begin with a Point, or Thesis

Your first step in writing is to discover what point you want to make and to write that point out as a single sentence. There are two reasons for doing this. You want to know right from the start if you have a clear and workable thesis. Also, you will be able to use the thesis as a guide while writing your essay. At any stage you can ask yourself, \the thesis as a guide, the danger of drifting away from the point of the essay is greatly reduced. 1. Understanding Thesis Statements

In Chapter 1, you learned that effective essays center around a thesis, or main point, that a writer wishes to express. This central idea is usually presented as a thesis statement in an essay's introductory paragraph.

A good thesis statement does two things. First, it tells readers an essay's topic. Second, it presents the writer's attitude, opinion, idea, or point about that topic. For example, look at the following thesis statement:

Owning a pet has several important benefits.

In this thesis statement, the topic is owning a pet; the writer's main point is that owning a pet has several important benefits.

Exercise

For each thesis statement below, single-underline the topic and double-underline the main point that the writer wishes to express about the topic.

EXAMPLES Our company president should be fired for three main reasons. The Internet has led to new kinds of frustration in everyday life.

1. Our cafeteria would be greatly improved if several changes were made.

2. Celebrities are often poor role models because of the way they dress, talk, and behave.

3. My first night as a security guard turned out to be one of the most frightening experiences of my life.

4. SUVs are inferior to cars because they are harder to control, more expensive, and dangerous to the environment.

5. The twentieth century produced three inventions that dramatically changed the lives of all Americans.

6. Stress in the fast-food workplace has led to serious physical, psychological, and emotional problems for employees.

7. Advertisers target young people in order to market cigarettes, alcohol, and adult movies. 8. Living in the city has certain advantages over living in the suburbs.

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9. Before moving away from home, every person should have mastered certain

key skills.

10. Independent \and pop\stores are superior to larger chain stores for a number of reasons.

2. Writing a Good Thesis I

Now that you know how thesis statements work, you can prepare to begin writing your own. To start, you need a topic that is neither too broad nor too narrow. Suppose, for example, that an instructor asks you to write a paper on marriage. Such a subject is too broad to cover in a five-hundred-word essay. You would have to write a book to support adequately any point you might make about the general subject of marriage. What you need to do, then, is limit your subject. Narrow it down until you have a thesis that you can deal with specifically in about five hundred words. In the box that follows are (1) several general subjects, (2) a limited version of each general subject, and (3) a thesis statement about each limited subject.

General Subject Marriage Family Television

Honeymoon Older sister TV preachers

Limited Subject

Thesis

A honeymoon is perhaps the worst way to begin a marriage.

My older sister helped me overcome my shyness. TV evangelists use sales techniques to promote their messages.

My husband and I have several effective ways of disciplining our children. Players' high salaries are bad for the game, for the fans, and for the values our children are developing.

Children

Disciplining of children

Sports

Players' salaries

Exercise:

Sometimes a subject must go through several stages of limiting before it is narrow enough to write about. Below are four lists reflecting several stages that writers went through in moving from a general subject to a narrow thesis statement. Number the stages in each list from 1 to 5, with 1 marking the broadest stage and 5 marking the thesis. List 1

____ Teachers ____ Education ____ Math teacher

____ My high school math teacher was incompetent. ____ High school math teacher List 2

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——Retail companies

——Supermarkets

——Dealing with customers ——Working in a supermarket

——I've learned how to handle unpleasant supermarket customers. List 3 ____ Bicycles

____ Dangers of bike riding ____ Recreation

____ Recreational vehicles

____ Bike riding in the city is a dangerous activity. List 4

____ Camping

____ First camping trip

____ Summer vacation

____ My first camping trip was a disastrous experience. ____ Vacations

3. Writing a Good Thesis II

When writing thesis statements, people often make mistakes that undermine their chances of producing an effective essay. One mistake is to simply announce the subject rather than state a true thesis. A second mistake is to write a thesis that is too broad, and a third is to write a thesis that is too narrow. A fourth error is to write a thesis containing more than one idea. Here are tips for avoiding such mistakes and writing good thesis statements. (1) Write Statements, Not Announcements The subject of this paper will be my parents.

I want to talk about the crime wave in our country.

The \

In this first group, the sentences are not thesis statements but just announcements of a topic. For instance, \subject of this paper will be my parents\does not make a point about the parents but merely tells, in a rather weak and unimaginative way, the writer's general subject. Remember, a thesis statement must make a point about a limited subject. Effective thesis statements based on the above sentences could be as follows: My parents each struggled with personal demons.

The recent crime wave in our city has several apparent causes.

The \(2) Avoid Statements That Are Too Broad

Disease has shaped human history. Insects are fascinating creatures. Men and women are very different.

In the above examples, each statement is too broad to be supported adequately in a student essay. For instance, \has shaped human history\would require far more than a five-hundred-word essay. In fact, there are many lengthy books written on the exact same topic. Remember, your thesis statement should be focused enough that it can be effectively supported in a five-paragraph essay. Revised thesis statements based on the topics in the above sentences could

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be as follows:

In the mid-1980s, AIDS changed people's attitudes about dating.

Strength, organization, and communication make ants one of nature's most successful insects. Men and women are often treated very differently in the workplace. (3) Avoid Statements That Are Too Narrow

Here are three statements that are too narrow: The speed limit near my home is sixty-five miles per hour. A hurricane hit southern Florida last summer.

A person must be at least thirty-five years old in order to be elected president of the United States. In this third group, there is no room in any of the three statements for support to be given. For instance, \speed limit near my home is sixty-five miles per hour\is too narrow to be expanded into a paper. It is a simple fact that does not require any support. Such a statement is sometimes called a dead-end statement: There is no place to go with it. Remember, a thesis statement must be broad enough to require support in an essay. Successful thesis statements based on the sentences above are as follows:

The speed limit near my home should be lowered to fifty-five miles per hour for several reasons. Federal officials made a number of mistakes in their response to the recent Florida hurricane.

The requirement that a U.S. president must be at least thirty-five years old is unfair and unreasonable.

(4) Make Sure Statements Develop Only One Idea

Here are three statements that contain more than one idea:

One of the most serious problems affecting young people today is bullying, and it is time more kids learned the value of helping others.

Studying with others has several benefits, but it also has drawbacks and can be difficult to schedule.

Teachers have played an important role in my life, but they were not as important as my parents. In this fourth group, each statement contains more than one idea. For instance, \most serious problems affecting young people today is bullying, and it is time more kids learned the value of helping others\clearly has two separate ideas (\of the most serious problems affecting young people today is bullying\is time more kids learned the value of helping others\The reader is asked to focus on two separate points, each of which more logically belongs in an essay of its own. Remember, the point of an essay is to communicate a single main idea to readers. To be as clear as possible, then, try to limit your thesis statement to the single key idea you want your readers to know. Revised thesis statements based on each of the examples above are as follows:

One of the most serious problems affecting young people today is bullying. Studying with others has several benefits.

Teachers have played an important role in my life. Exercise:

Write TN in the space next to the two statements that are too narrow to be developed in an essay. Write TB beside the two statements that are too broad to be covered in an essay. Then, in the spaces provided, revise one of the too-narrow statements and one of the too-broad statements

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to make them each an effective thesis.

1. The way our society treats elderly people is unbelievable. 2. Up to 70 percent of teenage marriages end in divorce. 3. Action must be taken against drugs. 4. I failed my biology course.

II. Support the Thesis with Specific Evidence

The first essential step in writing a successful essay is to formulate a clearly stated thesis. The second basic step is to support the thesis with specific reasons or details.

To ensure that your essay will have adequate support, you may find an informal outline very helpful. Write down a brief version of your thesis idea, and then work out and jot down the three points that will support the thesis.

Here is the scratch outline that was prepared by the author of the earlier essay on moviegoing: Moviegoing is a problem. 1. Inconvenience of going out 2. Tempting snacks

3. Other moviegoers

A scratch outline like this one looks simple, but developing it often requires a great deal of careful thinking. The time spent on developing a logical outline is invaluable, though. Once you have planned the steps that logically support your thesis, you will be in an excellent position to go on to write an effective essay.

Activities in this section will give you practice in the crucial skill of planning an essay clearly.

Exercise:

Following are ten informal outlines. Complete any five of them by adding a third logical supporting point (c) that will parallel the two already provided (a and b). 1. The first day on a new job can be nerve-racking.

a. Meeting new people

b. Finding your way around a new place

c. ______________________________________________________ 2. My stepmother has three qualities I admire. a. Patience

b. Thoughtfulness

c. _______________________________________________________ 3. The neighborhood grocery store is poorly managed. a. The checkout lines are always long. b. The aisles are dirty and understocked.

c. _______________________________________________________ 4. College students should live at home. a.

Stay in touch with family

b. Avoid distractions of dorm or apartment life

c. _______________________________________________________ 5. is the worst job I've ever had. a. Difficult boss

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b. Poor pay

c. _____________________________________________________ 6. College is stressful for many people. a. Worry about grades

b. Worry about being accepted

c. _____________________________________________________ 7. My landlord adds to the stress in my life. a. Neglects repairs b. Ignores phone calls

c. ____________________________________________________ 8. Our neighborhood park is an unsafe place to visit. a. Aggressive dogs

b. Broken glass

c. _______________________________________________________ 9. Buying a used car is better than buying a new one. a. Used cars are less likely to be stolen than new cars.

b. Used cars don't lose their value as quickly as most new cars.

c. _______________________________________________________ 10. Many companies use annoying practices to increase sales. a. Junk mail b. Spam e-mail

c. _______________________________________________________

1. The Importance of Specific Details

Just as a thesis must be developed with three supporting points, each supporting point must be developed with specific details. Specific details are valuable in two key ways. First, details excite the reader's interest. They make writing a pleasure to read, for we all enjoy learning particulars about people, places, and things. Second, details serve to explain a writer's points. They give the evidence needed for us to see and understand general ideas.

All too often, the body paragraphs in essays contain only vague generalities, rather than the specific supporting details that are needed to engage and convince a reader. Here is what one of the paragraphs in \Hazards of Moviegoing\would have looked like if the writer had not detailed her supporting evidence vividly:

Some of the other patrons are even more of a problem than the theater

itself. Many people in the theater often show themselves to be inconsiderate. They make noises and create disturbances at their seats. Included are people in every age group, from the young to the old. Some act as if they were at home in their own living room watching the TV set. And people are often messy, so that you're constantly aware of all the food they're eating. People are also always moving around near you, creating a disturbance and interrupting your enjoyment of the movie.

The following box contrasts the vague support in the preceding paragraph with the specific support in the essay.

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Vague Support 1. Many people in the theater show themselves to be inconsiderate. They make noises and create disturbances at their seats. Included are people in every age group, from the young to the old. Some act as if they were at home in their own living room watching the TV set. Specific Support 1. Little kids race up and down the aisles, usually in giggling packs. Teenagers try to impress their friends by talking back to the screen, whistling, and making what they consider to be hilarious noises. Adults act as if they were at home in their own living room and comment loudly on the ages of the stars or why movies aren't as good anymore. 2. And people are often messy, so that you're constantly aware of all the food they're eating. 2. And people of all ages crinkle candy wrappers, stick gum on their seats, and drop popcorn tubs or cups of crushed ice and soda on the floor. 3. They also cough and burp. squirm endlessly in their seats, file out for repeated trips to the rest rooms or concession stand, and elbow you out of the armrest on either side of your seat. 3. People are also always moving around near you, creating a disturbance and interrupting your enjoyment of the movie.

The effective paragraph from the essay provides details that make vividly clear the statement that patrons are a problem in the theater. The writer specifies the exact age groups (little kids, teenagers, and adults) and the offenses of each (giggling, talking and whistling, and loud comments). She specifies the various food excesses (crinkled wrappers, gum on seats, dropped popcorn and soda containers). Finally, she provides concrete details that enable us to see and hear other disturbances (coughs and burps, squirming, constant trips to rest rooms, jostling for elbow room). The ineffective paragraph asks us to guess about these details; the effective paragraph describes the details in a specific and lively way.

In the strong paragraph, then, sharp details capture our interest and enable us to share the writer's experience. They provide pictures that make each of us feel, \also enable us to understand clearly the writer's point that patrons are a problem. Aim to make your own writing equally convincing by providing detailed support.

Exercise:

Write S in front of the two selections below that provide specific evidence to support the opening point. Write X in front of the two selections in which the opening point is followed by vague, general, wordy sentences.

1. The people who have moved in beside us are unpleasant neighbors. They barely say \when we're in our neighboring yards. When we invited them to a neighborhood barbecue, they said they were going to be busy. They sometimes turn loud music on late at night, and we have to close our window to shut out the noise. To top it off, they own a dog, which they let roam free in our street.

2. My mother was a harsh disciplinarian. When I did something wrong, no matter how small,

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she would inflict serious punishment. She had expectations that I was to live up to, and she never changed her attitude. When I did not behave as I should, I was dealt with severely. There were no exceptions as far as my mother was concerned.

3. Some things are worse when they're \ good cheesecake, for one thing, is perfect. It doesn't need pineapple, cherries, blueberries, or whipped cream smeared all over it. Plain old American blue jeans, the ones with five pockets and copper rivets, are perfect too. Manufacturers only made them worse when they added flared legs, took away the pockets, tightened the fit, and plastered white logos and designers' names all over them.

4. Pets can be more trouble than children. My dog, unlike my children, has never been completely housebroken. When he's excited or nervous, he still has an occasional problem. My dog, unlike my children, has never learned how to take care of himself when we're away, despite the fact that we've given him plenty of time to do so. We don't have to worry about our grown children anymore. However, we still have to hire a dog-sitter.

2. The Importance of Adequate Details

One of the most common and most serious problems in students' writing is inadequate development. You must provide enough specific details to fully support the point in a body paragraph of an essay. You could not, for example, include a paragraph about a friend's unreliability and provide only a one- or two-sentence example. You would have to extend the example or add several other examples showing your friend as an unreliable person. Without such additional support, your paragraph would be underdeveloped.

Students may try to disguise unsupported paragraphs through repetition and generalities. Do not fall into this \paragraph has solid support.

Exercise 1:

Both of the following body paragraphs were written on the same topic, and each has a clear opening point. Which paragraph is adequately developed? Which one has only several particulars and uses mostly vague, general, wordy sentences to conceal the fact that it is starved for specific details?

Eternal Youth? — No, Thanks

I wouldn't want to be a teenager again, first of all, because I wouldn't want to worry about talking to girls. I still remember how scary it was to call up a girl and ask her out. My heart would race, my pulse would pound, and perspiration would trickle down my face, adding to my acne by the second. I never knew whether my voice would come out deep and masculine, like a television anchorman's, or squeaky, like a little boy's. Then there were the questions: Would she be at home? If she was, would she want to talk to me? And if she did, what would I say? The one time I did get up the nerve to take a girl in my homeroom to a movie, I was so tongue-tied that I stared silently at the box of popcorn in my lap until the feature finally started. Needless to say, I wasn't very interesting company.

Terrors of My Teenage Years

I wouldn't want to be a teenager again, first of all, because I wouldn't want to worry about talking to girls. Calling up a girl to ask her out was something that I

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completely dreaded. I didn't know what words to express or how to express them. I would have all the symptoms of nervousness when I got on the phone. I worried a great deal about how I would sound, and I had a lot of doubts about the girl's reaction. Once, I managed to call up a girl to go out, but the evening turned out to be a disaster. I was too unsure of myself to act in a confident way. I couldn't think of anything to say and just kept quiet. Now that I look back on it, I really made a fool of myself. Agonizing over my attempts at relationships with the opposite sex made adolescence a very uncomfortable time.

The first paragraph offers a series of well-detailed examples of the author's nerve-racking experiences, as a teenager, with girls. The second paragraph, on the other hand, is underdeveloped. For instance, the second paragraph makes only the general observation \would have all the symptoms of nervousness when I got on the phone\but the first paragraph states, \heart would race, my pulse would pound, and perspiration would trickle down my face.\

The second paragraph makes the general statement \sound,\but in the first paragraph the author wonders if his voice will \out deep and masculine, like a television anchorman's, or squeaky, like a little boy's.\And in the second paragraph, there is no specific description of the evening that turned into a disaster. In summary, the second paragraph lacks the full, detailed support needed to develop its opening point convincingly.

Exercise 2

Take a few minutes to write a paragraph supporting the point \you and your classmates, perhaps working in small groups, should read your paragraphs aloud. The best-received paragraphs are almost sure to be those with plenty of specific details.

III. Practice in Advancing and Supporting a Thesis

You now know the two most important steps in competent essay writing: (1) advancing a point, or thesis, and (2) supporting that thesis. The purpose of this section is to expand and strengthen your understanding of these two basic steps. You will first work through a series of activities on developing a thesis: 1. Identifying the parts of an essay 2. Evaluating thesis statements 3. Completing thesis statements 4.Writing a thesis statement

5. Limiting a topic and writing a thesis

You will then sharpen your understanding of how to support a thesis effectively by working through the following activities: 6. Providing specific evidence

7.Identifying adequate supporting evidence 8. Adding details to complete an essay

1. Identifying the Parts of an Essay Exercise 1:

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Each cluster below contains one topic, one thesis statement, and two supporting sentences. In the space provided, label each item as follows: T— topic

TH — thesis statement S — supporting sentence Group 1 a.

TV has forced politicians to focus more on appearance than substance.

b. Television has had a massive impact on politics in the United States.

c. The expense of producing and airing ads has made politicians worry more about fund-raising

than serving their public. d. Television Group 2

a. Community colleges are much more affordable than most four-year colleges.

b. There are several advantages to attending a community college instead of a four-year school. c. Community colleges

d. Community colleges typically offer more convenient and more flexible scheduling than traditional schools. Group 3

a. Medicine

b. Antibiotics have enabled doctors to control many diseases that were once fatal. c.

Organ transplants have prolonged the lives of tens of thousands of people. d. Advances in modern medicine have had great success in helping people. Group 4 a. Reading

b. There are steps parents can take to encourage their children to enjoy reading. c. The adults' own behavior can influence children to become readers.

d. Parents can make sure the physical environment of the home encourages reading. Group 5

a. Insects perform many helpful functions for human beings. b. Insects are essential to the growth of many important crops.

c. Insects

d. Insects protect the environment by removing wastes and controlling disease-causing germs. Exercise 2:

This activity will sharpen your sense of the parts of an essay. \with Old Age\has no indentations starting new paragraphs. Read this essay carefully, and then double-underline the thesis and single-underline the topic sentence for each of the three supporting paragraphs and the first sentence of the conclusion. Write the numbers of those sentences in the spaces provided at the end.

Coping with Old Age

1

I recently read about an area of the former Soviet Union where many people live

to be well over a hundred years old. 2Being 115 or even 125 isn't considered unusual there, and these old people continue to do productive work right up until they die. 3

The United States, however, isn't such a healthy place for older people. 4Since I

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The friendly grabs, hugs, and kisses of enthusiastic fans can quickly turn into uncontrolled assaults on a celebrity's hair, clothes, and car. Celebrities often get strange letters from people who become obsessed with their idols or from people who threaten to harm them. Worst of all, threats can turn into deeds. The attempt to kill Ronald Reagan and the murder of John Lennon came about because two unbalanced people tried to transfer the celebrity's fame to themselves. Famous people must live with the fact that they are always fair game — and never out of season.

Fill in the missing words: The words _______________ are used to mark the most emphatic detail in the paragraph.

Some essays use a combination of time order and emphatic order. For example, the essay on moviegoing in Chapter 1 includes time order: The writer first describes getting to the theater, then the theater itself, and finally the behavior of patrons during the movie. At the same time, the writer uses emphatic order, ending with the most important reason for her dislike of moviegoing: \of the other patrons are even more of a problem than the theater itself.\

2. Transitions

2.1 Transitional Words

Transitions signal the direction of a writer's thought. They are like the road signs that guide travelers. In the box on the following page are some common transitions, grouped according to the kind of signal they give to readers. Note that certain words provide more than one kind of signal. Addition signals: one, first of all, second, the third reason, also, next, another, and, in addition, moreover, furthermore, finally, last of all

Time signals: first, then, next, after, as, before, while, meanwhile, soon, now, during, finally

Space signals: next to, across, on the opposite side, to the left, to the right, above, below, near, nearby

Change-of-direction signals: but, however, yet, in contrast, although, otherwise, still, on the contrary, on the other hand

Illustration signals: for example, for instance, specifically, as an illustration, once, such as

Conclusion signals: therefore, consequently, thus, then, as a result, in summary, to conclude, last of all, finally

Exercise:

1. Underline the three addition signals in the following selection:

According to this review, we made several significant changes in our testing instruments and procedures. First of all, we purchased three additional versions of the test. This allows us to rotate the versions over time so that we can better ensure the integrity of our placement instrument. We now have also standardized the test results, which not only allows us to accurately compare scores from different versions of the test, but to compare our test results with those from other institutions. The second significant change we made in our testing procedures was to add a new listening component, the test of aural comprehension. This part, a complement to the test, provides an evaluation of one's academic listening abilities. As many other tests all address academic listening skills, the addition of this test

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made our placement of students into these classes more objective and valid. 2. Underline the four time signals in the following selection:

After you've snagged the job of TV sports reporter, you have to begin working on the details of your image. First, invest in two or three truly loud sports jackets. Look for gigantic plaid patterns in odd color combinations like purple and green or orange and blue. These should become familiar enough to viewers so that they will associate that crazy jacket with that dynamic sportscaster. Next, try to cultivate a distinctive voice that will be just annoying enough to be memorable. A nasal whine or a gravelly growl will do it. Be sure to speak only in tough, punchy sentences that seem to be punctuated with imaginary exclamation points. Finally, you must share lots of pompous, obnoxious opinions with your viewers. Your tone of voice must convey the hidden message \If players strike, talk sarcastically about the good old days. If a sports franchise leaves town, say, \

3. Underline the three space signals in the following selection:

The vegetable bin of my refrigerator contained an assortment of weird-looking items. Next to a shriveled, white-coated lemon were two oranges covered with blue fuzz. To the right of the oranges was a bunch of carrots that had begun to sprout points, spikes, knobs, and tendrils. The carrots drooped into U shapes as I picked them up with the tips of my fingers. Near the carrots was a net bag of onions; each onion had sent curling shoots through the net until the whole thing resembled a mass of green spaghetti. The most horrible item, though, was a head of lettuce that had turned into a pool of brown goo. It had seeped out of its bag and coated the bin with a sticky, evil-smelling liquid.

4. Underline the two change-of-direction signals in the following selection:

Taking small children on vacation, for instance, sounds like a wonderful experience for the entire family. But vacations can be scary or emotionally overwhelming times for children. When children are taken away from their usual routine and brought to an unfamiliar place, they can become very frightened. That strange bed in the motel room or the unusual noises in Grandma's spare bedroom may cause nightmares. On vacations, too, children usually clamor to do as many things in one day as they can and to stay up past their usual bedtime. And, since it is vacation time, parents may decide to give in to the children's demands. A parental attitude like this, however, can lead to problems. After a sixteen-hour day of touring the amusement park, eating in a restaurant, and seeing a movie, children can experience sensory and emotional overload. They become cranky, unhappy, or even rebellious and angry.

5. Underline the two illustration signals in the following selection:

Supermarkets also use psychology to encourage you to buy. For example, in most supermarkets, the milk and the bread are either at opposite ends of the store or located far away from the first aisle. Even if you've stopped at the market only for staples like these, you must pass hundreds of items in order to reach them. The odds are that instead of leaving with just a quart of milk, you'll leave with additional purchases as well. Special displays, such as a pyramid of canned green beans in an aisle

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and a large end display of cartons of paper towels, also increase sales. Because you assume that these items are a good buy, you may pick them up. However, they may not even be on sale! Store managers know that the customer is automatically attracted to a display like this, and they will use it to move an overstocked product. 6. Underline the two conclusion signals in the following selection:

Finally, my grandmother was extremely thrifty. She was one of those people who hoard pieces of used aluminum foil after carefully scraping off the cake icing or beef gravy. She had a drawer full of old eyeglasses that dated back at least thirty years. The lens prescriptions were no longer accurate, but Gran couldn't bear to throw away \what situation would involve a desperate need for a dozen pairs of old eyeglasses. We never realized the true extent of Gran's thriftiness, though, until after she died. Her house was to be sold, and therefore we cleaned out its dusty attic. In one corner was a cardboard box filled with two- and three-inch pieces of string. The box was labeled, in Gran's spidery hand, \

2.2 Transitional Sentences

Transitional, or linking, sentences are used between paragraphs to help tie together the supporting paragraphs in an essay. They enable the reader to move smoothly from the idea in one paragraph to the idea in the next paragraph. Here is the linking sentence used in the essay on moviegoing:

Many of the other patrons are even more of a problem than the concession stand.

The words concession stand remind us of the point of the first supporting paragraph, while Many of the other patrons presents the point to be developed in the second supporting paragraph.

Exercise:

Following is a brief sentence outline of an essay. The second and third topic sentences serve as transitional, or linking, sentences. Each reminds us of the point in the preceding paragraph and announces the point to be developed in the current paragraph. In the spaces provided, add the words needed to complete the second and third topic sentences.

Thesis

The most helpful values I learned from my parents are the importance of family support, of hard work, and of a good education.

First supporting paragraph

First, my parents taught me that family members should stick together, especially in time of trouble. . . .

Second supporting paragraph

In addition to teaching me about the importance of _________________________________, my parents taught me the value of ________________________________________________...

Third supporting paragraph

Along with the value of _______________________________________________, my parents

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emphasized the benefits of ________________________________________________...

2.3 Other Connecting Words

In addition to transitions, there are three other kinds of connecting words that help tie together the specific evidence in a paper: repeated words, pronouns, and synonyms. Each will be discussed in turn. 2.3.1 Repeated Words

Many of us have been taught — correctly — not to repeat ourselves in writing. However, repeating key words helps tie together the flow of thought in a paper. Below, repeated words remind readers of the selection's central idea.

One reason for studying psychology is to help you deal with your children. Perhaps your young daughter refuses to go to bed when you want her to and bursts into tears at the least mention of \in handy. Offer her a choice of staying up until 7:30 with you or going upstairs and playing until 8:00. Since she gets to make the choice, she does not feel so powerless and will not resist. Psychology is also useful in rewarding a child for a job well done. Instead of telling your ten-year-old son what a good boy he is when he makes his own bed, tell him how neat it looks, how happy you are to see it, and how proud of him you are for doing it by himself. The psychology books will tell you that being a good boy is much harder to live up to than doing one job well.

2.3.2 Pronouns

Pronouns (he, she, it, you, they, this, that, and others) are another way to connect ideas. Also, using pronouns in place of other words can help you avoid needless repetition. (Note, however, that pronouns should be used with care to avoid the problems described.) Here is a selection that makes good use of pronouns:

Another way for people to economize at an amusement park is to bring their own food. If they pack a nourishing, well-balanced lunch of cold chicken, carrot sticks, and fruit, they will avoid having to pay high prices for hamburgers and hot dogs. They will also save on calories. Also, instead of filling up on soft drinks, they should bring a thermos of iced tea. Iced tea is more refreshing than soda, and itjs a great deal cheaper. Every dollar that is not spent at a refreshment stand is one that can be spent on another ride.

2.3.3 Synonyms

Synonyms are words alike in meaning. Using synonyms can also help move the reader easily from one thought to the next. In addition, the use of synonyms increases variety and interest by avoiding needless repetition.

Note the synonyms for method in the following selection:

There are several methods of fund-raising that work well with small organizations. One technique is to hold an auction, with everyone either contributing an item from home or obtaining a donation from a sympathetic local merchant. Because all the merchandise and the services of the auctioneer have been donated,

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the entire proceeds can be placed in the organization's treasury. A second fund-raising procedure is a car wash. Club members and their children get together on a Saturday and wash all the cars in the neighborhood for a few dollars apiece. A third, time-tested way to raise money is to hold a bake sale, with each family contributing homemade cookies, brownies, layer cakes, or cupcakes. Sold by the piece or by the box, these baked goods will satisfyingly fill both the stomach and the pocketbook.

Exercise:

Read the selection below and then answer the questions about it that follow.

When I think about my childhood in the 1930s, life today seems like the greatest of luxuries, 2In our house, we had only a wood-burning cookstove in the kitchen to keep us warm. In the morning, my father would get up in the icy cold, go downstairs, and light a fire in the black iron range. 4When he called us, I would put off leaving my warm bed until the last possible minute and then quickly grab my school clothes. 5The water pitcher and washing basin in my room would be layered with ice, and my breath would come out as white puffs as I ran downstairs. 6My sisters and I would all dress — as quickly as possible — in the chilly but bearable air of the kitchen. 7

Our schoolroom, once we had arrived, didn't provide much relief from the cold.

8

3

1

Students wore woolen mitts which left their fingers free but covered their palms

9

10

11

and wrists, Even with these, we occasionally suffered chilblains.The throbbing swellings on our hands made writing a painful process. When we returned home in the afternoon, we spent all our indoor hours in the warm kitchen. 12We hated to leave it at bedtime in order to make the return trip to those cold bedrooms and frigid sheets. 13

My mother made up hot-water bottles and gave us hot bricks to tuck under the covers, but nothing could eliminate the agony of that penetrating cold when we first slid under the bedclothes.

1. How many times is the key word cold used?

2. Write here the pronoun that is used for father (sentence 4): ______

3. Write here the words in sentence 3 that are used as a synonym for cookstove: ____________________; write in the words in sentence 10 that are used as a synonym for chilblains: _______________; write in the word in sentence 12 that is used as a synonym for cold: __________.

V. Introductions, Conclusions, and Titles

So far, this chapter has discussed ways to organize and connect the supporting paragraphs of an essay. A well-organized essay, however, also needs a strong introductory paragraph, an effective concluding paragraph, and a good title.

1. Introductory Paragraph

1.1 Functions of the Introduction

A well-written introductory paragraph performs four important roles:

1. It attracts the reader's interest, encouraging him or her to continue reading the essay.

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VI. Practice in Organizing and Connecting Specific Evidence

You now know the third step in effective writing: organizing the specific evidence used to support the thesis of a paper. This closing section will expand and strengthen your understanding of the third step in writing. You will work through the following series of activities:

1. Organizing through time or emphatic order 2. Providing transitions

3. Identifying transitions and other connecting words 4. Completing transitional sentences 5. Identifying introductions and conclusions

1. Organizing Through Time or Emphatic Order

Exercise 1:

Use time order to organize the scrambled lists of supporting ideas below. Write l beside the supporting idea that should come first in time, 2 beside the idea that logically follows, and 3 beside the idea that comes last in time.

1. Thesis: When I was a child, Disney movies frightened me more than any other kind.

_____ As a five-year-old, I was terrified by the movie Pinocchio, about a puppet

transformed into a boy.

_____ Although I saw Bambi when I was old enough to begin poking fun at \

the scene during which Bambi's mother is killed has stayed with me to this day.

_____ About a year after Pinocchio, I gripped my seat in fear as the witches and goblins of

Fantasia flew across the screen.

2. Thesis: There are techniques to help you overcome three common pitfalls in making a

cheesecake.

_____ There's only one way to remove the cake cleanly and easily from its pan.

_____ Plan in advance to have your equipment ready and the ingredients at room temperature.

_____ Remember to time the baking process and regulate the oven temperature while the

cake is baking. 3. Thesis: Applying for unemployment benefits was a confusing, frustrating experience.

_____ It was difficult to find both the office and a place to park.

_____ When I finally reached the head of the line after four hours of waiting, the clerk had

problems processing my claim. _____ There was no one to direct or help me when I entered the large office, which was

packed with people.

Exercise 2:

Use emphatic order (order of importance) to arrange the following scrambled lists of supporting ideas. For each thesis, write 1 in the blank beside the point that is perhaps less important or interesting than the other two, 2 beside the point that appears more important or interesting, and 3 beside the point that should be most emphasized.

1. Thesis: My after-school job has been an invaluable part of my life this year.

_____ Better yet, it has taught me how to get along with many kinds of people.

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_____ Since it's in the morning, it usually keeps me from staying up too late.

_____ Without it, I would have had to drop out of school. 2. Thesis: We received some odd gifts for our wedding.

_____ The winner in the odd-gift category was a large wooden box with no apparent

purpose or function.

_____ Someone gave us a gift certificate for a massage.

_____ Even stranger, my uncle gave me his favorite bowling ball. 3. Thesis: Donna is my most loyal friend.

_____ She has taken time to do special favors for me.

_____ She's always there in real emergencies or emotional crises. _____ She once lent me her favorite necklace to wear on a date.

2. Providing Transitions

Exercise:

In the spaces provided, add appropriate transitions to tie together the sentences and ideas in the following essay. Draw from the words given in the boxes above the paragraphs. Use each word only once.

Annoying People

President Richard Nixon used to keep an \like. I'm ashamed to confess it, but I, too, have an enemies list—a mental one. On this list are all the people I would gladly live without, the ones who cause my blood pressure to rise to the boiling point. The top three places on the list go to people with annoying nervous habits, people who talk in movie theaters, and people who talk on car phones while driving.

For example First of all Another However

_______________, there are the people with annoying nervous habits. ________________, there are the ones who make faces. When in deep thought, they twitch, squint, and frown, and they can be a real distraction type when I'm trying to concentrate during an exam. __________ type of nervous character makes useless designs. These people bend paper clips into abstract sculptures or string the clips into necklaces as they talk.

__________, neither of these groups is as bad as the people who make noises. These individuals, when they are feeling uncomfortable, bite their fingernails or crack their knuckles. If they have a pencil in their hands, they tap it rhythmically against whatever surface is handy—a desk, a book, a head. Lacking a pencil to play with, they jingle the loose change or keys in their pockets. These people make me wish I were hard of hearing.

On the contrary Then As a result After second A __________ category of people I would gladly do away with is the ones who talk in movie theaters. These people are not content to sit back, relax, and enjoy the film they have paid to see. ________________ they feel compelled to comment loudly on everything from the hero's hairstyle to the appropriateness of the background music. _______________, no one hears a word of any dialog except theirs. __________ they have been in the theater for a while, their interest in

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the movie may fade. __________ they will start discussing other things, and the people around them will be treated to an instant replay of the latest family scandal or soap-opera episode. These stories may be entertaining, but they don't belong in a movie theater.

In addition But Last of all

_______________, there are the people who talk on the phone while they're driving. One of the things that irritate me about them is the way they seem to be showing off. They're saying, \

such

behavior is just plain dangerous. Instead of concentrating on adjusting carefully to ever-changing traffic conditions, they're weaving all over the road or getting much too close to the car in front of them as they gossip with a friend, make an appointment with a doctor, or order a pizza.

So long as murder remains illegal, the nervous twitchers, movie talkers, and car-phone users of the world are safe from me. __________ if ever I am granted the power of life or death, these people had better think twice about annoying me. They might not have long to live.

3. Completing Transitional Sentences

Exercise:

Following is brief sentence outlines from one essay. In each outline, the second and third topic sentences serve as transitional, or linking, sentences. Each reminds us of the point in the preceding paragraph and announces the point to be developed in the current paragraph. In the spaces provided, add the words needed to complete the second and third topic sentences.

Thesis:

Cheaper cost, greater comfort, and superior electronic technology make watching football at home more enjoyable than attending a game at the stadium.

First supporting paragraph:

For one thing, watching the game on TV eliminates the cost of attending the game. . . .

Second supporting paragraph:

In addition to saving me money, watching the game at home is more ________ than sitting in a stadium. . . .

Third supporting paragraph:

Even more important than _______________ and _______________ though, is the _________________________ that makes a televised game better than the \

4. Identifying Introductions and Conclusions

Exercise:

The following box lists six common kinds of introductions and three common kinds of conclusions. Read the three pairs of introductory and concluding paragraphs that follow. Then, in the space provided, write the letter of the kind of introduction and conclusion used in each paragraph.

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Introductions A. General to narrow B. Starting with an opposite C. Stating importance of topic D. Incident or story E. Question(s) F. Quotation Conclusions G. Summary and final thought H. Question(s) I. Prediction or recommendation Pair 1

________Shortly before Easter, our local elementary school sponsored a fund-raising event at which classroom pets and their babies—hamsters, guinea pigs, and chicks—were available for adoption. Afterward, as I was driving home, I saw a hand drop a baby hamster out of the car ahead of me. I couldn't avoid running over the tiny creature. One of the parents had taken the pet, regretted the decision, and decided to get rid of it. Such people have never stopped to consider the several real obligations involved in owning a pet.

_________ A pet cannot be thrown onto a trash heap when it is no longer wanted or tossed into a closet if it begins to bore its owner. A pet, like us, is a living thing that needs attention and care. Would-be owners, therefore, should think seriously about their responsibilities before they acquire a pet. Pair 2

__________ What would life be like if we could read each other's minds? Would communications be instantaneous and perfectly clear? These questions will never be answered unless mental telepathy becomes a fact of life. Until then, we will have to make do with less perfect means of communication. Letters, telephone calls, and e-mail messages do have serious drawbacks.

__________ Neither letters, phone calls, nor e-mails guarantee perfect communication. With all our sophisticated skills, we human beings often communicate less effectively than howling wolves or chattering monkeys. We always seem to find some way to foul up the message. Pair 3

___________ \harder to put up with,\annoyance of a good example.\cursed with older brothers or sisters who are models of perfection. All our lives, my older sister Shelley and I have been compared. Unfortunately, in competition with my sister's virtues, my looks, talents, and accomplishments always ended up on the losing side.

_________ Although I always lost in the sibling contests of looks, talents, and accomplishments, Shelley and I have somehow managed not to turn into deadly enemies. Feeling like the \succeed and a sense of humor. In our sibling rivalry, we both managed to win.

VII. Four Bases for Revising Essays

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This chapter shows you how to evaluate an essay for 1) unity 2) support 3) coherence 4) sentence skills

In the preceding chapters, you learned four essential steps in writing an effective paper. The box below shows how the steps lead to four standards, or bases, you can use in revising an essay.

Four Steps

If you advance a single point and stick to that point,

If you support the point with specific evidence, If you organize and connect the specific evidence,

If you write clear, error-free sentences,

This chapter discusses these four bases—unity, support, coherence, and sentence skills—and shows how the four bases can be used to evaluate and revise a paper.

Base l: Unity

1. Understanding Unity

The following student essays are on the topic \ears.\Which one makes its point more clearly and effectively, and why?

Essay 1

Teenage Pranks

Looking back at some of the things I did as a teenager makes me break out in a sweat. The purpose of each adventure was fun, but occasionally things got out of hand. In my search for good times, I was involved in three notable pranks, ranging from fairly harmless to fairly serious.

The first prank proved that good, clean fun does not have to be dull. As a high school student, I was credited with making the world's largest dessert. With several friends, I spent an entire year collecting boxes of Jell-O. Entering our school's indoor pool one night, we turned the water temperature up as high as it would go and poured in box after box of the strawberry powder. The next morning, school officials arrived to find the pool filled with thirteen thousand gallons of the quivering, rubbery stuff. No one was hurt by the prank, but we did suffer through three days of a massive cleanup.

Not all my pranks were harmless, and one involved risking my life. As soon as I got my driver's license, I wanted to join the \limited to those who could make their cars fly a distance of at least ten feet. The qualifying site was an old quarry field where friends and I had built a ramp made of

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Four Bases

Your paper will have unity. Your paper will have support. Your paper will have coherence.

Your paper will demonstrate effective sentence skills.

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