英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

英语短剧

《孔雀东南飞》（搞笑版）

焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)

刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)

焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)

刘母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)

太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)

强盗burglars(abandc)

prologue 序幕

(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)

j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my

wife is wusong.

译：人人都说我怕老婆，实际上我是老虎，（小声）我妻子是武松。

(指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!

译：我才不怕你呢！

(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头)then, i’m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i donot care. i only want she to be tender than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!

译：谁怕谁啊！在邻里中，我妻子是最有名气的。她比我勇敢、比我聪明、比我强壮。我也不在乎这些。我只觉得她该对我温柔些，但是她却不懂温柔！有这样的太太就像活在地狱中啊！

(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)

my god! who can help me?(下)

译：我的天！谁来救救我啊？

act1 第一幕

(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)

jm(拄拐棍上):i can!

(对门内)lunch! lunch! where are you?

l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?

jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”.

l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,so

lazy

l:but

jm:never interrupt me!

l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard all

daylong,cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken

and

jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!

l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,you want a grandson,don’t you?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)

act2

(lm坐在台上打毛线,l拿着锅铲上)

l:mum, i’m back!

lm:you are back?why?what happened?

l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.

lm(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on

marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listen

to me. look at yourself

l:but,mum

lm:never interrupt me!

l:mum,i’m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? and

i’ll marry whomever you want me to.

lm(大喜):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said:“if your daughter

haven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll go

and tell him.(下)

l(惊愕):what? the mayor’s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的锅

铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)

act3

(j睡眼惺忪上)

j(边走边道):lunch! lunch! where are mysocks?

(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly! they are still dirty!

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

(突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself.

(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)oh,i’m so hungry! but there’s no

breakfast!(捡起地上的围

裙)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! now

she has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.

jm(上):where’s my breakfast? where’slunch?hasn’t she got up yet? j:mum, can’t you remember?lunch has gone!

jm(沉吟片刻):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless. lunch is an ice

girl,go and take her back!

j(立正敬礼):yes madam!

act4

(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)

a:hey you!stop and listen to us!

the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)

b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)

c:if you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了a的脚) ab&c:give us all your money!

j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):is 1mao enough?

(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)

a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!

b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight! c:i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulanzhi next month.we can go and

rob the wedding!

a&b:good idea!

j(惊讶):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible! ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!

j:but lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!

(突然有了主意)i’ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don’tyou? i’ll go

with you. you take the money and i take the bride.

b:have you got any experience?

j:no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，j盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)

(j和三强盗跃至台中)

abc&j:hey you! stop and listen to us!

a:the road is built by me!

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

b:and i planted one tree.

c:if you want to go by this street---

j:give us all your money!

(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)

l(惊喜万分):johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)

(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒) j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）

(j与ms混战，jm上，以拐杖击晕ms)

(j将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)

j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you?

l(哭状):i hurt a lot!

j:don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)

l(起身去追):wait for me! (跑下)

说明：中间一小部分非常简单，怕你急用，就没翻译，如有需要，可在线交谈。我们刚演过的，效果很好哦！

<<灰姑娘>>剧本英汉对照版： （此为正常版）

[旁白]Once there lived a kind and lovely girl. After her father's death, her stepmother became cruel to her.Her two step-sisters teased her, asking her to do all the housework.

从前有一位可爱善良的姑娘，她父亲很早就去世了。她的继母经常虐待她，继母带来的两个孩子也经常欺负她，她们把灰姑娘当女拥一样使唤。

stepmother: Do the laundry and get on with your duties. Clean the floors right away. And what's more,bring me my breakfast.

把这些衣服拿到洗衣房做你的事情。把地板赶快给我擦干净。另外，把我的早饭带来。

stepsister1: Cinderella! Get me my sweater, I feel a little cold. 灰姑娘，把我的衣服拿来，我感到有点冷。

stepsister2: Hurry up! Prepare the carriage for me, hand me my gloves. I'm to be late for my date. You're so, you're always so sluggish. 快点！把马车给我准备好，递我手套。我约会要晚了，你总是那么慢慢腾腾的。

[旁白]One day, the king held a party for the prince to choose the girl he loved. Every maid in the town was invited to the party.

国王要让王子自己选择心爱的人，为王子举办了一个宫廷舞会，邀请城里所有的姑娘参加 (There was a knock at the door)

【Stepmother】Cinderella ,go and have a look :Who is it?

【Cinderella】 yes.

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

【Soldier】 Good morning ! I’m the soldier of the palace. Here is an invitation for young girls

【stepmother】（Look at the invitation and cheer）Good news! There will be a big dancing party in the palace. The prince will select a queen among the young girls.

【Stepsister1】 Hooray! I’ll be the queen! 太好了，我要当皇后了！

【Stepsister2】I’ll be the queen!

【stepmother】 Come on. You must put on your most beautiful dress and make up!

【Cinderella】Mum, I want to go to the party ,too.

【stepmother】You? Impossible! Do your housework!

【Stepsister1】 Look at yourself, so dirty and so ugly.

【stepmother】Are you ready? Let’s go.

Cinderella, you mustn’t go to the party. Do your housework first

【Cinderella】Mum ,please

【Stepsister2】Good night! (Push the Cinderella down)

【Cinderella】（Sadly）I really want to go. What shall I do? Who can help me?

(Cinderella was broken-hearted. At that time, her fairy godmother appeared.)

【Godmother】Don’t be so sad, Poor girl,(自由发挥，要一直不停地边说边做（挥舞魔力棒）Believe in me ! You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve seen

(The magic words.) Bibbidi-boddidi-boo

Yes! You will be the most beautiful girl in the party!(Cinderella stand up)

(The magic words.)Bibbidi-boddidi-boo

Look at this( oh sorry, mistake) ( twice)

Try again!

【Cinderella]】Oh, it's beautiful! It's like a dream, a wonderful dream!

【Godmother】Go to the party. And the prince will love you at once!

【Cinderella】Thank you , My fairy!(Run away)

【Godmother】(Shout)Remember :on the stroke of twelve, the magic will be broken and everything will be as it was before.

记住，当时钟敲响到12点的时候，钟将会打破，一切事情又恢复了从前 (低语)Bless you, my child. Enjoy yourself.

祝福你，我的孩子，玩得开心。

【旁白】At the party, Cinderella danced with the prince all the time.Time passed quickly. All of a sudden, Cinderella caught sight of the clock on the wall. Oh, it is almost twelve o'clock-five to twelve!

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

舞会上，灰姑娘成了王子唯一选中的舞伴，灰姑娘与王子高兴地跳舞，旁人都很羡慕地看着他们，议论他们。时间在美妙的歌舞中过去，墙上的大钟突然映入灰姑娘的眼里，差5分钟12点。

Cinderella: Oh, my goodness!

噢，天啊！

Prince: What's the matter?

什么事？

Cinderella: It's midnight. It's almost midnight.

午夜了，快到午夜了。

Prince: Yes, so it is.But why?

是的，但又怎样呢？

Cinderella: Goodbye.

再见。

Prince: No, no,wait, you can't go now.

不，等等，你现在不能走。

Cinderella: Oh, I must, please, I must. 噢，我必须走。

Prince: But why? 但为什么呢？

Cinderella: goodbye. 再见。

Prince: No, wait, come back. Please come back! I don't even know your name. How will I find you? Wait, please wait! Wait!

不，等等，回来，请回来！我连你的名字都不知道呢。我怎么能找到你呢？等等，等等，等等！

【Cinderella:】Goodbye. 再见。（跑掉一水晶鞋）

【Prince】 (拿起鞋)Pretty princess! I must find you! Soldiers——

【Soldiers 】coming

【Prince】Take the slipper to every house. You must find the girl for me.

She will be my bride

【旁白】The next day, every maid in the town was ordered to try the glass shoe.Whoever the shoes fitted well would be the bride of the princel.No one could put on the shoe, nor could the two step-sisters. When the officials were going to leave, Cinderella appeared and asked to have a try.

第二天，国王命令城中每一位女孩必须史穿玻璃鞋，穿上鞋子最合适的姑娘将成为王子的新娘。但城中没有一个女孩能穿着合适。最后来到灰姑娘的家中，继母的女儿们当然也不能穿上那双玻璃鞋，正当国王的大臣要离开时，灰姑娘出现在楼梯上，她要求试一试鞋。

Cinderella: Please wait! May I try it on?

请等等！我可以试一下吗？

Stepmother: Oh, pay no attention to her.

噢，别理她。

stepsister1: It's only Cinderella!

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

她仅仅是灰姑娘！

stepsister2:Impossible.

不可能。

stepsister1: She's out of her mind.

她疯了。

stepmother: Yes, yes. Just an imaginative child.

是的，是的，只是一个爱想象的孩子。

Duke:Of course, you can have a try, my fair lady.

当然你可以试试，我的女士。

【Soldier】Wonderful! It’s yours! It fits for you very well! (The prince came in)

【Prince】 Wonderful! Oh, my princess, I love you.

Would you like to go with me and be my queen?

【Cinderella]】I’d love to.

【旁白】Cinderella and the prince held a grand wedding and they led a happy life from then on王子和灰姑娘举行了盛大的婚礼，幸福地生活。

《灰姑娘》（此为搞笑版）

白 :Long ago, there lived a girl. Her mather had died and her father had married again,His new wife had two daugters. They are so bad as their mother. The poor girl had to work day and night. She must sleep in the kitchen. She weared drity clothes. All of them called her cinders for Cinderella. However, we’ll show you a different play today. (灰姑娘昂首挺胸帅气十足地上场)

旁白 ：She is so strong, and smart. Especially she is good at sport. Now, she is running for the 100 meter race.(灰姑娘冲刺,旁边老师读秒:11’9)

Now, she is playing basketball.(灰姑娘以一敌众,轻松灌篮)

Now,she is practicing Chinese gongfu(灰姑娘打拳,对手倒)

This is her----Cinderella

灰姑娘(怒,看旁白) :Do you finish?

旁白 :Ok(结巴)continue, even she is perfect, she still can’t escape the poor life, Why? That is-----

继母(假装洗衣服) :How cold the water! I’m too old to do anything, My leg is so painful.

(灰姑娘默,从继母手中拿过洗衣盆)

(一姐将盆碗碰得乱响.灰姑娘默,从姐手中拿过盆碗)

(一姐手持针线缝衣,刺手,尖叫—灰姑娘默,从姐手中拿过衣服)

第一幕

(灰姑娘在帮后母按摩肩膀)

二姐(奔入,扬动手中传单) :Mom, Mom, Look! There are some leaflets. I got them on the street.

The King is having a party. The Prince will look for a wife.

一姐(托腮) :I must be choosen, I am the most beautiful girl in the world.

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

二姐(凭空跳舞) :No, Not you. I have the charming shape, I am the Queen. (两姐争吵起来,继母从女儿手中拿过传单,亲吻)

继母 :Oh, baby. Stop. You two are the most beautiful girls in our country. He will probably choose one of you. Come on , make up yourself. We haven’t enough time!(瞪灰姑娘)Cinderella, what are you doing? Come here, help your sisters!

灰姑娘 :OK, I will. But, mom, can I go to the party tonight? I want to ------

(三人敛神)

一姐 :Oh, my God! I forgot Tim’s homework. He gave us a lot of homework.. I can’t finish, what should I do ?

二姐(拿书,指,附和) :Oh, Yes, Yes. Look, execise A, excise B, excise C, excise D, excise E, Oh, planning tree, essay, study plan------(偷瞄灰姑娘,哭)Oh, my God! Oh, my party! My Prince! My happyness! and the country’s future!

灰姑娘(慌乱,安慰) :My sisters, don't cry! I always do the homework for you, of course tonight!

(母女三人一通忙乱后) : Goodbye, our lively girl!

第二幕

(魔女骑着一把几乎掉光了的扫把登场)

旁白 :Oh, 哈里波特!

(魔女撞到灰姑娘)

灰姑娘(怒) :Who are you ?

魔女(得意) :I am the best witch, and the most beautiful witch. I can give you all the thing you wish.

灰姑娘 : Really? Do you kown King’s party? I want to go, but------(低头看自己的破衣服)

魔女(大笑) :Don’t worry. It is easy for me! Look, clothes, shose,car----- 灰姑娘(面露欣喜,扑向鞋子) :Oh, how beautiful glass shoses!

魔女 :Wear it, and go !

第三幕

(富丽堂皇的大厅里,音乐飘扬,人声鼎沸.女士们翘首以待)

侍卫(击杖) :Welcome the Prince.

(鼓掌,欢呼)

国王(严肃) : Please be quiet! As everybody knows, today I will chooes a beautiful, slim, homorous, and long hair girl for my son----(转身,指向王子),handsome, strong, tall, and brave!

(王子做害羞状)

众女士 :How lively! How handsome! (做陶醉状,冲向前,将王子团团围住) (此时,飞出一女,持扇 “杀出一条血路”)

(王子与灰姑娘共舞,突然手机铃声响起)

王子 :Who’s phone?

灰姑娘 :Oh, it’s my phone!(掏手机边跳舞,边接电话) This is Cinderella, speaking!

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

魔女 :It 12’clock, game will be over, come back quickly!Or you’ll change back!(开始敲钟)

灰姑娘 :Oh, I must go!(慌忙中跑,掉了一只鞋)

王子(检起鞋,追) :Wait! You forget give me you name, and you phone number! 王子(注视姑娘远去,悲情) :I’ve lost her!

第四幕

旁白 : Since the party, Prince fall in love with Cinderella, the Prince decided to look for the mysterious girl. He issued a proclamation, “Whoever the glass shoe fits, shall be wife to the Prince!” (王子带着士兵到处找人试鞋)

士兵 :Please try the shoe!(女士甲试鞋) Oh, your foot is too big!

士兵 :Please try the shoe!(女士乙试鞋) Oh, my God, what a terrible smell! Of coures not you !

答案补充

旁白 :A t lat, the Prince come to Cinderella ‘s home.

(两姐站在门口,花痴状) :Oh, the Prince is coming, he is so handsome! He is so cool!

士兵(拿着鞋) :Please try the galss shoe.

(两姐妹正抢): Oh, it is my shoe! ------Oh, it is my shoe!

(士兵夺过鞋,递给大姐): You first!(大姐拿过鞋,却怎么也穿不进去)

士兵 : Stop doing that. You foot is too long, you will break the shoe! 二姐(得意) :I said, it is my shoe.(抢过鞋,试穿,费了九牛二虎之力终于穿上,走开来)

二姐 : ****, too small!(甩掉鞋,蹲下揉脚,鞋飞到灰姑娘身上)

答案补充

继母(怒吼) : Why are you here? Back to kitchen! Wash the dishes! 士兵 : Wait! Every girl must try !

继母 : She is drity! It is couldn’t be her!(灰姑娘默,轻松的穿上了鞋) 王子(欢呼) :Oh, it fits! I found you !(王子和灰姑娘拥在一起)

旁白 :The Prince was delighted to found her, and on a bright sunny day, he and Cinderella were merried. They lived happily ever after! （完）

Character:

Announcer

(C)Customer

(A)ATM*2

(R)Robber*2

(P)Police*2

新闻：

Announcer: Good evening! Welcome to VOA, the voice of April. Here we got a newest message from BBC which said that two robbers robbed 8 banks in 2 days.

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

They were equipped with heavy weapons and it seems that no one could stop them.(匪徒展示)

C: （逛街）Oh I need some money. Money is not everything, there are also bank cards!（走入银行） Er Where are the tellers? （大声）Is there anyone? A: Hello! What can I do for you?

C: Gosh! This machine could speak! Ok! What can you do for me?

A: Ha ha. In fact I am the only attendant here. I can do all the bank things. C: Cool! Ah! (被抓入柜子藏起来)

（紧接着匪入）

R1：Ha ha! Certainly we are cool. Now it’s robbing time. Give us all the money!

R2: Hey do you notice that?

R1: Notice what?

R2: There is no body here at all!

R1: Er its true. But I heard some one say “cool” just now! （假装喊道）I see you! Come out!

A: Do you refer me? Sorry I cannot move. What else can I do for you? R2: Hey. Look!（挥手示意同伴过来） This stuff is speaking!

A: How could a teller cannot speak? Actually I can provide any bank service for you.

R1: Any service? Is that means we can also rob this bank?

R2: Hey. Look at this（举枪）. We are the strongest robber in the history! A: Let me see. Could you wait for a minute? I cannot find a proper program for robbing service. I have to download one from the Internet.

（在警局）

P1: Look! （指着黑板上画的屏幕）There is a threaten warning here! P2: I’m afraid there is a robbery there. Go go! Let’s move out!

(在银行，匪边打扑克边等 )

R1: Are you OK my dear money box?

A: Installing in progress 90%...95%...OK. It’s down!

R2: nice! So, give us all the money!

A2: According to this program, I’m afraid you must follow some simple steps to get the money.

R1: Quickly!

A2: Step1. Chose the currency you want to rob:

1. Yen

2. RMB

3. Us dollar

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

4. Canadian dollar

5. Australian Dollar

6. Pound.

R2: Pound pound! We choose pound!

A2: Step 2. How many banks were robbed by you? More experience means more money you could rob.

R1:8!

R2: No no no! 80!

A2: Step 3. I’ll check your weapons. You know, whether you can get the money in the end depends on your fire power.

R1: Ok! No doubt these are all super weapons!

(A发出响声)

R2: Are you ok?

A2: Sorry. I think this program is hanging without any respond. You can choose to wait or restart this program.

R1,R2: Oh no!

（在银行门口轻声交谈）

P2: Oh Yes! Two robbers without weapon!

P1: That’s really a piece of cake!

（冲入大喊）

P2: Freeze! Hands up!（匪慌乱叫喊）

P1: （抓住匪后）You are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent; anything you say can be used against you in a court of law.

C:（安全出来） Oh, thank you. You are a smart computer!

道具：大枪2 炸弹 警枪2 屏幕 银行卡 报纸（噪音） 头套 小气球（肌肉） 扑克

守株待兔（英语短剧） 剧本（搞笑版）

[开始。树）上台安静地屹立到舞台较后方。导演（范冰）走到台前]

导演：Action！[跑下台]

[农夫冷酷地上。]

农夫：I’m a farmer.（稍停顿）[走两步]A modern farmer.（掏出墨镜戴上）

[冷酷地走两步，突然被绊了一跤，回头生气地踢了下绊自己的石头，继续保持冷酷]When I was yong,I studied in Nan~tong Middle School[掏出胸卡骄傲地展示给观众看，收起]！So I’m rich now！[开始展示名牌，边说边掏]Look！This is my modern mobile——Motorola WC 250！This is my Swatch!This my MP3!This is my shoes——ADI~DAS!This is [不经意地掏出一个苹

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

果]Oh,sorry. And look at this![从怀里掏出痒痒挠] Do U know what’s this？痒痒挠？No no no~~It’s my modern——锄头~！！[看下表]It’s time to do some farming！[开始弯下腰做出锄地的动作，锄了两下，突然] Oh yes!I think farming should be combined with music![掏出MP3戴上，开始很有激情地边锄地边唱]Farming farming,I’m farming!Farming should be combined with music~!Farming farming,I’m farming!Farming will be funny and easy~![边唱边锄边慢慢下台，把没用的道具拿走，把有用的道具准备在口袋里] [树走上前台]

树：I’m a tree!I can do many things!I can sing![做出疯狂摇滚歌手的动作，边做边唱：哼哼哈西！！！]I can dance![跳四小天鹅]I’m tall!And I’m Strong!IF you hit me,you will 挂掉！Oh?There comes a rabbit! [引导观众看兔子A)。树站回后台]

[兔子A上]

兔子A（一开始不知道状况。以为自己扮演周杰伦，所以很热情地上场跟观众打招呼）：Hey everybody,I’m Jay!I love U!I love Nantong![展示新专辑《十一月的肖邦》]Now let me sing one of my new songs to U！The name of the song is 《发如雪》！[清清嗓子正要唱，这时候导演（范冰）上]

导演：[拿手中纸筒狠狠打了下兔子A的头]What are U doing?! Now U are a rabbit,understand?![兔子A：Sorry sorry sorry] [导演边说边夺过《十一月的肖邦》。导演下台之前，看了下《十》] What’s this?[看了看，惊喜地]Oh!It’s mine！（很兴奋地拿着下场）

兔子A：OK,now I’m a rabbit. I just had my breakfast. Now I’m just walking around here. I think walking after meals is good for my health. [在场上转圈，悠闲散步]

[农夫继续锄地，边锄边上场，突然看见前面有个兔子]

农夫：（惊喜地）Lunch！[扔掉痒痒挠]I will catch it！ [偷偷摸摸地跟到兔子后面走]

[农夫跟在兔子后面。两个人走啊走。兔子突然回头。农夫假装看手表。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装看天气。两人继续走。兔子回头。农夫假装打手机。两人继续走，兔子回头。这次农夫冷酷地把枪口对准了兔子。]

兔子A：Wahhhh~!（吓一跳）What’s this！

农夫：Hnnnn ！I will kill U for lunch!

兔子A：But your gun [帮农夫把枪头调转过来（农夫一开始把枪对着自己）]

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

农夫：Thank you!

兔子A：My pleasure. （突然想起来农夫要杀自己） Wah~~~~~~ [兔子跑，躲到树后面，农夫追到树前]

农夫：Where~ to go? Haha!

[农夫开了一枪“砰”。兔子在树后惊慌躲闪，没被打到。树做出受伤中弹状。 农夫又开枪，同上。 农夫开始加快频率，火力密集地开枪。兔子开始时惊慌躲闪，躲着躲着跳起舞来。树继续痛苦中弹状。]

兔子A[自我陶醉中，边跳边说]You didn’t hurt me! You didn’t hurt me！

树：[痛苦万分地]But U Hurt me .[痛苦地慢慢挪动到兔子背后]

[兔子继续兴奋地跳舞。农夫停止开枪，走到兔子面前，看着它。 兔子猛然抬头发现]

农夫：Ah ha~! Bye bye ! [举枪对准兔子，开枪，没声音，看看枪，示意没子弹了。兔子见状，非常兴奋地大笑起来]

兔子A：Ha ha ha ha! You can’t kill me now！ [兴奋大笑，笑到抽筋，笑到后仰。突然头撞倒了后面的树] Wa ！[兔子晕两下~~ “我倒！” 倒地]

农夫：OH! [很兴奋地过去两个手指提起兔子]My lunch , I caught you !!! [想一下] But I’m still full now.Let me tie it to the tree and have a sleep.I will eat it after sleeping.[把兔子绑到树上。倒地睡到树旁边]

兔子A：[兔子很快醒了，看看四周，发现自己被绑了，很惊讶]Where am I? What happened?

树：[指着农夫]He caught you and wanted to eat you.

兔子A：What?! I must leave here! But how can I escape？[东张西望，看到农夫的手机]

[兔子不知不觉地把树杈移开，走到手机前看了看]咦？What’s this？[捡起来看]Oh,a mobile.[再看]It’s beautiful.[放回原处。 又自觉地把自己绑在树上。 突然想起来]A mobile！Maybe I can call some one to help me！ [又不知不觉地把自己放出来，那起手机] But how to use it？？？

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

树：[走上前]Let me tell U.Look,press this button![给兔子]

兔子A：Oh I see. [做出打电话的样子] 喂？

李咏：[上台，激情澎湃地] Hello！This is lucky fifty-two！[做出幸运52的手势]I’m Liyong！Now let’s start our first question！What’s the most probable relation between 康熙 and 雍正？ A. Husband and wife B.Teacher and student C.Waiter and costomer Answer me,please!

兔子A：（很冷漠地）Sorry， wrong number.[挂掉]

李咏：Answer me!Answer me! En..?喂？喂喂？[很郁闷地下台]

兔子A：Now let me call again.[拨打] 喂？

兔子B：喂？

兔子A：Hey Jackey！

兔子B：Hey tommy!

兔子A：How are you doing?

兔子B：Fine,thank you.And U?

兔子A：I’m fine too!How are your parents doing?

兔子B：They are fine,thank you.And U?

兔子A：They are fine,too!How is your uncle doing?

兔子B：He’s fine,thank you!And U?

兔子A：He’s fine , too!

兔子B：But why do you call me? If you want borrow some money from me NO WAY!!!

兔子A：No no no!I’m in danger now!Come and help me!!!

兔子B：But where are you?

兔子A：I’m under a tree!

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

兔子B：[边打电话边在附近走，经过兔子A面前，两个人还没发现]What can you see around you?

兔子A：I see a rabbit ,rather like you!

兔子B：A rabbit rather like me OK! I’ll soon come!Wait for me! I will help you! [匆匆离开]

[兔子A 打完电话，小心翼翼地把手机放回农夫处，还很有礼貌地说了句“Thank you.” 然后又很自觉地把自己绑回了树上]

兔子A：Hahaha!My friend will come and save me,yeah! [兴奋过度，后仰，头又撞倒树上，昏眩中 “我晕！” 又晕了]

[兔子B上。]兔子B：I’m also rabbit！I’m clever! I’m brave ! And I’m strong! [展示肌肉] OH！My friend is here!Let me help him out! [费力地想把树枝（双臂）挪开，使了几次劲，还是不行] It’s too tight! I must think of a good way! [看到农夫扔掉的痒痒挠] Let’s see,what’s this！

A 锄头！[装作打高尔夫球，试了试锄头手感]Oh,it’s nice.[走到树面前，正要砍]

树：Stop！！！What will you do?

兔子B：I will cut you down to save my friend.

树：O. [突然醒悟] What?! Cut me down?! Teachers told us that we should protect the environment! Understand?!

兔子B：Oh yes！You are right! [扔掉锄头] I have to think of another idea!

[想了想] Oh!![灵感突来][看了看手表] Oh it’s time to do morning

exercise ！Come on! [开始带头做早操。做着做着对树说“Follow me！” （企图让树动起来，两只手松开，这样就可以救出兔子A）树也开始跟着做起早操。 兔子B轻轻上前，想救出兔子A。但是树的广播操动作恰好都是会挡住营救的。兔子B狂汗 -_-b 广播操毕。树继续绑着兔子A]

兔子B：Why?! Maybe I need another idea. Oh!I’v got it！Music！ [音响放起泰坦尼克号主题曲高潮前奏。 兔子B抱住树，企图引导树像女主角一样张开双臂，放出兔子A。树渐渐陶醉，手缓缓松开。兔子B正要搭救同伴，突然兔子A两只手张开，成了女主角动作。树又抱住了兔子A的腰，成了男主角动作。树和A陶醉其中。B要唤醒A：“Wake up!Wake up!”

兔子A沉醉其中，完全不理它，还用脚踹走要救它的B：“Don’t disturb me！”继续陶醉。]

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

兔子B：（无奈ing ）Stop！！！（音乐停） （沮丧）I can’t save my friend

[掏出纸巾想要擦汗，带出10块钱，掉在地上]

树：Money！[一个箭步冲上去捡起钱，回到原位并且对着太阳验钞。]

兔子A：[看四周] I’m free!!!Oh yes,I’m free!Thank you,Jackey! [慢动作深情扑向兔子B] Jackey~~~~ [突然兔子B低头系鞋带。兔子A控制不住一下子撞在树上，晕两下说：“暴头！”死翘。] [兔子B见状冲上去，深情地搂住A：“Tommy!Tommy！”[伤心地俯下身子，紧紧抱住A]

[这时睡觉中的农夫突然一个翻身，又把B压在了下面]

兔子B：I can’t .breath I’m dying!!!! [也翘了]

农夫：[农夫这时候醒了。擦了下口水，看见两只兔子] En..?Two rubbits! I rememer I have caught just one?! Oh,maybe I drank too much.

[兴奋地一手提一只兔子，哼着小曲下场]

树：[还在验钞的树正在高兴，突然发现是假钞]A！It’s a fake！Wait for me！

[追下去]

《荆轲刺秦王》（搞笑版）

（Introduction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：

Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众）

I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister? 阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.

太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~ （作杀状）太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

candidate?

阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.

太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?

阿三：Yes.Action II（《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐）荆轲Are you Li mochou?李莫愁Yes.荆轲OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁Are you challenging me?

荆轲Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意李莫愁Come on!音乐起两人冲上前来“人在江湖漂啊，哪有不挨刀啊，一刀砍死你啊，两刀砍死你啊。。。。”李莫愁倒地荆轲大笑李莫愁痛苦状：What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?荆轲: We don\'t need any reason to win a person. Don\'t we? Do we? （赢一个人需要理由么，不需要么，需要么？）李莫愁：Momma always said: \"Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you\'re gonna get.\" I got it, Momma is right. 荆轲再次大笑太子丹上（抱拳）：How are you?

荆柯：Fine, thank you, and you?太子丹：Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?

荆柯：Sure!太子丹：How are you? 荆柯：Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹晕倒

荆柯：Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹：Oh, I’m kidding too!（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：

To be or not to be, that's a question.

阿三：Hero，we need your help.

荆柯：I am busy now!

太子丹：You can get a lot of money.

荆柯：I am very busy now!

阿三：IC, ID, IQ card?

荆柯：I am very very busy now!

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

阿三(手指上场的美女，激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.

荆柯（流口水）：I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!

阿三：What? What’s the TCM?

荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.

阿三：Excuse me? What’s the TCM?

观众甲：TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .

太子丹：I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.

荆柯（激动）：Slimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.

阿三：You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧？难道你真的想要吗……

（《No matter》音乐起，荆轲先与阿三跳探戈，拥入怀中，又甩出去，阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴，最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型，向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿，荆轲做调戏状。）

荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you. 太子丹与阿三（撞胯，击掌）Yeah!

Action Ш

（《大话西游》主题曲响起）

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

荆珂挽着妻子，太子丹,阿三在后.

阿三：Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.

荆珂：Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends

太子丹：I will miss you, baby.

（太子丹，阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起，荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型，忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过，向荆轲抛媚眼，并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看，妻子发觉不对，扭过头来。）

荆珂（急忙收敛）：Darling, I love you.

妻子：I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!（《肖申克的救赎》）

荆珂(流泪) ：I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你，选自《飘》)

妻子：Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.

荆珂（欲走还留，执子之手又曰）：Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise（泰坦尼克号沉船时，Jack对Rose的倾诉）.

妻子:"I promise."

荆轲:"Never let go. “

妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."

（荆轲的发音和jack很像，所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。） 妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪，

荆珂上船，渐渐远去

妻子：It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never…… Never……

英语剧本(孔雀东南飞,茶馆,荆轲)

妻子(掏出手机拨号，阿三接手机)： Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account. 阿三：Okay okay!

旁白：Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.

The End

本文来源：https://www.bwwdw.com/article/v0i1.html