幽默搞笑小故事

篇一：英语经典幽默故事

My First and My Last

When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.

George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go."

They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air. When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane." Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?"

"Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark.

第一次与最后一次

乔治35岁时买了架小型飞机，并开始学习驾驶。不久，他就能很娴熟地驾机做各种各样的特技飞行了。

乔治有个朋友名叫马克。一天，乔治主动邀请马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。马克心想，“我乘大客机飞行过好几次，还从来没有乘过小飞机，我不妨试一试。” 升空后，乔治飞了有半个小时，在空中做了各种各样的飞行特技。

后来他们着陆了。马克很高兴能够安全返回地面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说：“乔治，非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次飞行。”

乔治非常吃惊地问：“两次飞行？”

“是的，我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。

First Flight

Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.

His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.

After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?" "Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."

第一次坐飞机

约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。

他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。

过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？”

“那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。”

A Nail Or A Fly?

An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he

hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour.

So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.

Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!

钉子还是苍蝇？

一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房。他双手各拿一瓶酒。在墙上有只苍蝇，他误以为是枚钉子。他把两只瓶子朝上一挂，瓶子掉下来摔碎了，酒洒了一地。一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后，对他深表同情，决定帮他个忙。

于是，第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时，她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。 这里，老人回到了房里。倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事。他抬头往墙上一看，苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近，使尽全力拍了一掌。听到一声大叫，好心的女服务员冲进房来。让她大为吃惊的是，可怜的老头正坐在地板上，牙关紧咬，右手滴血不止。 I'll See to the Rest

A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.

"Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!"

"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.

"You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."

其余的事由我负责

一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。

“快点，小姐!”他喊道：“请把门关上。”

“噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。

“请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。”

Chaude and Cold

A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water."

"But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C."

"Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city." 热与冷

蒙特利尔自助餐厅的一位顾客拧开盥洗室的龙头，结果被水烫伤了。“这太可恶了，”他抱怨道，“标着C的龙头流出的是开水。”

“可是，先生，C代表Chaude－法语里代表?热?。如果您居住在蒙特利尔的话就得知道这一点。”

“等等，”那位顾客咆哮一声，“另外一个龙头同样标的是C。”

“当然，”经理说道：“它代表冷。毕竟，蒙特利尔是个双语城市。”

A Soldier's Brilliant Idea

Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.

When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.

Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.

士兵的高招

由于生意方面的事，罗宾逊先生得出趟门。因为有点紧急，他决定坐飞机。乘机旅行时，他喜欢靠窗坐，故而一登机，他就寻找一个靠窗的座位。他发现只有一个靠窗的座位还空着。在那空座位边坐着一名士兵。令罗宾逊先生纳闷的是，这位士兵没有坐靠窗的位置。罗宾逊先生不管那些，他马上径直朝那个空座位走去。

然而，等到了那儿，他看见座位上有则启事，是用钢笔写的：“为保持装载平衡，特预设该位置，谢谢合作。”罗宾逊先生还从来没有在飞机上见过如此不同寻常的启事。不过，他想飞机上一定装了什么特别重的物品，于是他找了个不靠窗的位置。

又有两三个乘客试图坐在那个士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他们看到那则启事就走开了。当快满座时，一位非常美丽的姑娘匆匆走进机舱。一直在注意进舱旅客的那个士兵赶紧拿掉他旁边空座位上的启事。士兵用这种办法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。 New Discovery

A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, "I should have brought my wife!"

新发现

一个乡下人第一次到大城市游逛。他走进一座大楼，看见一个岁数很大的矮胖女人迈进一个小房间。房间的门随后关上，有几个灯在闪亮。一会儿，门开了，电梯里走出一位年青漂亮的女模特。

乡下人惊奇地眨着眼睛，慢吞吞地说：“我应该把我的老婆带来!”

A Bad Impression

Six people were travelling in a compartment on a train. Five of them were quiet and well behaved, but the sixth was a rude young man who was causing a lot of trouble to the other passengers.

At last this young man got out at a station with his two heavy bags. None of the other passengers helped him, but one of them waited until the rude young man was very far away

and then opened the window and shouted to him, "You left something behind in the compartment!" Then he closed the window again.

The young man truned around and hurried back with his two bags. He was very tired when he arrived, but he shouted through the window, "What did I leave behind?"

As the train began to move again, the passenger who had called him back opened the window and said, "A very bad impression!"

一个坏印象

有六个人搭乘火车旅行，坐在同一车箱内。其中五个很安静，也很规矩。但第六个是个粗鲁的年轻人，给其他乘客招惹了许多麻烦。

最后，这位年轻人在一个车站带着两个沉重的皮箱下了车。没有一个旅客帮他的忙。有个人一直等到这位粗鲁的年轻人走得很远了，才打开窗户，对着他大声喊：“你把东西留在车厢里了!”然后，又把窗户关了起来。

年轻人转过身子，拎着两个沉甸甸的皮箱，匆匆赶了回来。他转回来时，显得非常疲倦，对着窗户大声喊：“我把什么东西留在车上了？”

当火车再次启动时，叫他回来的旅客打开窗户说：“一个极坏的印象!”

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."

"That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"

安眠药

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”

“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”

Creative

Applying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in listing my few qualifications. Asked about additional schooling and training, I answered truthfully that I had spent three years in computer programming classes. I got the job.

I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I passed. 创造性

第一次求职时，我意识到在列举我所具备的为数不多的条件时，得有点创造性。当问及我是否受过其它的培训时，我老实地回答说我花了三年时间学计算机程序设计课。我得到了那份工作。

我没有提到那门功课我重复学了三年才考及格。

Reminder

In the veterinary office where I'm a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual rabies shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days. "Oh yes, in fact that's why we're here," she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminder.

"We did," she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card."

催 单

我是一家兽医站的技师。当动物到了该注射疫苗的时候，我们就寄出催单。一条德国物质牧羊犬布鲁诺来做每年一次的狂犬疫苗注射。我们依照州法律的要求询问他的主人，在过去的十天里布鲁诺是否咬了什么人。“噢，是的。事实上这正是我们到这儿来的原因，”她回答说。我觉得奇怪，告诉她我们以为他们是因为收到了我们的催单才来的。 “的确如此，”她解释道。“布鲁诺咬了给你们送催单的邮递员。”

Imitate Birds

A man tried to get a job in a stage show. "What can you do?" asked the producer.

"Imitate birds," the man said.

"Are you kidding?" answered the producer, "People like that are a dime a dozen."

"Well, I guess that's that." said the actor, as he spread his arms and flew out the window. 模仿鸟儿

一个人想在一个舞台剧中找份工作。“你能干什么呢？”负责人问。

“模仿鸟儿，”那人说。

“你在开玩笑吧？”负责人答道，“那样的人一毛钱可以找一打。”

“噢，那就算了。”那名演员说着，展开翅膀，飞出了窗口。

How Did You Ever Get Here

One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."

The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"

"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."

你是怎样来的？

一个冬天的早晨，一名雇员解释他为什么迟到了四十五分钟才起来上班。“外面太滑了，我每向前迈一步，就要向后退两步。”

老板狐疑地看着他。“噢，是吗？那你是怎样到这里来的？”

“后来我决定放弃，”他说，“然后我就往家里走。”

Three Surgeons

Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. "A man came to me who had his hand cut off," said one. "Today that man is a concert violinist."

"That's nothing," said another. "A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner."

"I can top both of you," said the third. "One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horse's posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate."

三个外科医生

三个有名的外科医生正在吹嘘他们的技术。“一个人断了一只手，他来找我，”一个说，“如今那个人是个音乐会的小提琴手。”

“这算不了什么，”另一个说。“一个家伙两条腿断了，他来找我，我将它们接了回去。如今，那人是马拉松选手。”

“我比你们两个都强，”第三个说，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的车祸。除了一个马屁股，和一幅眼睛，什么都没有留下。如今，那人坐在美国参议院里。”

One Side of the Case

A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand.

篇二：【幽默励志小故事】 幽默励志故事大全

幽默，顾名思义是是一种让人不由发出笑的故事，大家好奇的话，请大家欣赏一番吧!以下是小编整理的幽默励志故事大全，希望大家认真的阅读，快来看看吧!

幽默励志小故事，短而有力!一针见血!

【幽默励志】

一位夫人打电话给建筑师，说每当火车经过时，她的睡床就会摇动。

*这简直是无稽之谈!*建筑师回答说，*我来看看。*

建筑师到达后，夫人建议他躺在床上，体会一下火车经过时的感觉。

建筑师刚上床躺下，夫人的丈夫就回来了。他见此情形，便厉声喝问：*你躺在我妻子的床上干什幺?*

建筑师战战兢兢地回答：*我说是在等火车，你会相怕穑?

【励志感悟】

有些话是真的，却听上去很假;有些话是假的，却令人无庸置疑。

○引诱

【幽默励志】

英国绅士与法国女人同乘一个包厢，女人想引诱这个英国人，她脱衣躺下后就抱怨身上发冷。先生把自己的被子给了她，她还是不停地说冷。

*我还能怎幺帮助你呢?*先生沮丧地问道。

*我小时候妈妈总是用自己的身体给我取暖。*

*小姐，这我就爱莫能助了。我总不能跳下火车去找你的妈妈吧?*

【励志感悟】

善解风情的男人是好男人，不解风情的男人更是好男人

幽默励志故事大全

幽默励志故事

上帝听说世间鼎盛，人人都有前所未有地崇尚的成功，心下窃喜，决定去探听虚实。他召集来若干凡人，问;你们认为什么是成功。

张三说：成功就是像明星那样有型有款。

李四答道：成功就是像大款那样有钱。

王五忙说：成功就是名人那样有头有脸。

上帝不满意的摇头说：请不要用像谁一样，众人面面相觑，不明白其义。

上帝又问道：你们成功的标准是什么。

他们小声嘀咕的说：反正我没成功，管他是什么。

上帝不甘心，决定继续考察下去。

他先变成一个有钱人，走到公园里远远的望见一个年轻的女人，正微笑的看着一个孩子和老人闹玩，于是他上前去说：我是个有钱人，你认为我和你比谁更成功?

女人笑着回答：我是孩子的好妈妈，是父母的好女儿，是丈夫的好妻子，是单位的好员工，是社会的好公民，而你只是有钱而已。

上帝又问道：那你说，你的成功不是像我这有钱人吗?

那女人只是笑笑没有回答。

上帝变成的这个有钱人，疑惑的走了。

编者言：这女人的成功的标准是能和相爱的人在一起，有个美满幸福的家庭。

他接着变成了个明星，走在马路边，他看见一个中年的男人正在悠闲的骑着自行车，他就迎了上去，就问那男子：我是个明星，你认为我和你比谁更成功。

那男人乐着说：我活的自由快活，活的坦坦荡荡。而你们明星连结婚就不敢承认，虚有无实。

上帝又继续问：那你的成功标准不是像我们一样吗?

那男子回答到说：如果每个人都成了明星，那世界不就成了娱乐部了。

上帝变成的明星，不明其然的走了。

编者言：那男人的成功的标准就是自由，坦荡，为自己而活。

上帝又变成名人，来到一间网吧里，看到一个在开虚拟网店的年轻人。他上前说：我是一个很有名的名人，我和你比谁更成功?

年轻人擦着汗说：我不知道什么叫成功，我只知道把我把在我这里代理的下家，都培养的能赚钱。

上帝变成的名人又说：我能让他们发达呢。

年轻人说：我的下家每天都跟我好亲热，我一上线他们都迎上来，喊着我跟我说今天赚了多少，我这就很自豪了。

上帝又变成的名人，接着说：那你们的成功不是想像我们名人一样吗?

年轻人说跟着说：我只知道我能赚同时我的下家也能赚钱。我就很快活了，不想像你们名人那样怎天为了名利。也不顾其他人的想法了。

上帝糊涂了，他反复的想着难道成功只是享受成功的那一时刻?难道成功是一种快活情趣?如此说来成功就是一种审美情趣?

幽默的励志故事-头痛

你知道是什么导致头痛吗?

乔伊经常头痛,并且随着年龄增长,这毛病愈来愈严重。他看了不少医生,但总找不到根治的办法。在他即将绝望的时候,他终于找到了一位自称可以解决他的问题的医生。医生对他说:有一好一坏两个消息。好消息是我可以根治你的头痛。坏消息是你必须做阉割手术。你的头痛是由睾丸压迫你的脊椎根部引起的,也就是说,是压力导致了你的头痛。要消除这种压力的惟一办法,就是切除睾丸。

乔伊霎时感到天旋地转。但经过再三思考,他最终还是决定做手术。

一周后,乔伊离开了医院。他漫无目的地走在街上,觉得自己已经变成了另外一个人。经过一家男装店时,他看着橱窗里崭新的衣服,心想:生活还要继续,我何不开心点迎接新生活呢?也许一切还可以从头开始。

他举步走进店里,对店员说,他想买一套新西装。店员瞄了他一眼,说:你应该穿44号的。

乔伊笑了,说:对。你怎么知道的?

呵呵,这是我的工作。店员笑着答道。

乔伊穿上西装,果然非常合身。他看着镜子里的自己,心情好了一些。这时,店员问道:来件新衬衫怎么样?

当然要来一件了!乔伊答道。店员看着乔伊,说:我瞧瞧嗯袖长34,衣领16.5。

乔伊很吃惊:对极了!你是怎么知道的?

呵呵,这是我的工作。

果然,衬衫也非常合身。店员又问:需要新鞋吗?

好啊!乔伊边欣赏着镜子里的自己边高兴地答道。店员看着乔伊的脚,说:9号半,宽版型。

乔伊瞪大了眼睛,说:你真是太厉害了了。你是怎么知道的?

你知道,这是我的工作。

穿上合身的新鞋,乔伊的心情已大为好转。这时,店员又问道:再来几条新内裤吧?

乔伊脱口答道:你想得太周到了!店员后退几步,看着乔伊的腰说:36号的。

乔伊笑了,说:这次你说错了。从18岁起我就一直穿34号的。

店员摇了摇头,说:你不能穿34号的,那会致使你的睾丸压迫你的脊椎根部,从而导致严重的头痛。

篇三：语言幽默小故事

语言艺术的幽默小故事

(2011-04-14 15:56:50)

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儿子收集的资料 ▼ 1、英国著名剧作家肖伯纳到莫斯科旅游，在街上遇到了一位聪慧的小女孩，十分投缘，便站在街头天南地北的和她聊了很久，临分别时，肖伯纳说：“回去告诉你妈妈，今天你在街上和世界名人肖伯纳聊了很久。”小女孩看了他一眼，也学着他的口气说：“回去告诉你妈妈，今天你和漂亮的苏联小姑娘安娜聊了很久。” 小姑娘眼里没有尊卑贵贱之别，让人忍俊不禁。

2、国共两党谈判期间，国民党代表在以周恩来、王若飞为代表的中共代表团义正词严、咄咄逼人的气势下，理屈词穷、恼羞成怒：“和你们共产党谈判真是对牛弹琴。”“对，牛弹琴！”巧妙的反戈一击，不仅充满机趣，也包含智慧。

3、美国著名作家马克·吐温写了一部著名讽刺作品《镀金时代》立刻引起轰动，在记者招待会上马克·吐温不禁脱口说道：“美国国会议员中有些人是狗婊子养的”。报上连篇累牍加以报道。有些美国议员纷纷抗议，要求马克·吐温在报上公开道歉。马克·吐温答应了，于是在报上公开发文：“日前，小的在宴席上信口雌黄，说美国国会议员中有些人是狗婊子养的，议员先生们对此大加问责，细细考虑，此言确有不妥，现修改如下：美国国会议员中有些人不是狗婊子养的。”

4、唐伯虎为一老妇祝寿，儿女欢天喜地，恭请唐伯虎为之写祝词，伯虎也不推辞，提笔写道：“这个婆娘不是人”，一言既出，老妇脸现怒色。“九天仙女下凡尘”，老妇由怒变喜。“生下儿女都是贼”，儿女皆惊，恨上心头。“偷来蟠桃献至亲”，结语一出，众人欢娱。真是一波三折，充满机变，令人叹为观止。

5、安徒生是丹麦著名童话作家，尽管受到孩子们的喜爱，但有些人就是不喜欢他。有一次，一个绅士见到安徒生，讥笑他：“安徒生，你脑袋上面的玩意儿，能算个帽子吗？”“你帽子下面的玩意儿，能算个脑袋吗？”语气一致，词语移易，令人为之捧腹。

6、建国初期,美国记者基辛格嘴巴非常尖刻，来中国的时候故意发难问周恩来：“为什么你们中国人走路都是那么低头弯腰的?不像我们美国人走路抬头挺胸。”周恩来回答说：“你见过上山和下山吗？因为你们走的是下坡路，我们走的是上坡路啊。”

7、美国记者看到周恩来总理口袋里有支派克钢笔，问：“中国不会生产钢笔吗，要用我们国家的笔？”周总理说：“这是一位抗美援朝的将军送给我的，是他的战利品，我能不随身携带吗？”

8、一天，德国大诗人歌德在公园散步，在一条狭窄的小路上遇到了一位反对他的批评家，这位傲慢的批评家说：“你知道吗？我这个人从来不给傻瓜让路。”歌德却笑着说：“我则恰恰相反。"说完闪身让批评家过去。

9、马克·吐温有一次到一个小城市演讲，他决定在演讲之前先理理发。 “您喜欢我们这个城市吗？”理发师问他。

“啊！喜欢，这是一个很好的地方。”马克·吐温说。

“您来得很巧，”理发师继续说，“马克·吐温今天晚上要发表演讲，我想您一定是想去听听喽？”

“是的。”马克·吐温说。

“您弄到票了吗？”

“还没有。”

“这可太遗憾了！”理发师耸了耸肩膀，两手一摊，惋惜地说：“那您只好从头到尾站着了，因为那里不会有空座位。”

“对！”幽默大师说，“和马克·吐温在一起可真糟糕，他一演讲我就只能永远站着。”

10、陈毅元帅自幼好学，酷爱读书。他看起书来，有时废寝忘食，达到入神入迷的程度。 有一次，陈毅到一位亲戚家去过中秋节。进门后，他意外地发现了一本自己渴求日久的好书，于是便不顾几十里跋涉的疲劳，一头扎进一间空屋子里，兴致勃勃地读起来，一边读还一边用毛笔作笔记。亲戚几次催他吃饭，他都舍不得放下。后来，亲戚只好把蒸好的糍粑和糖给他端到了书桌上。糍粑本该蘸着糖吃，谁知陈毅的注意力全集中到书上去了，竟然把糍粑伸到砚台里蘸上墨汁往嘴里送。过了一会儿，亲戚给他端面条来，见他满嘴都是墨，大吃一惊，不由自主地“啊”了一声。这下子，把外屋的人全引进来了，大家一看陈毅那滑稽的样子，都忍不住捧腹大笑起来。陈毅明白了是怎么回事之后，诙谐地说：“喝点墨水没关系，我正觉得肚子里墨水太少哩！”

11、一次，英国首相丘吉尔在公开场合演讲，从台下递上一张纸条，上面只写了两个字“笨蛋”。

丘吉尔知道台下有反对他的人等着看他出丑，便神色从容地对大家说： “刚才我收到一封信，可惜写信人只记得署名，忘了写内容。”

丘吉尔不但没有受到不快情绪的控制，反而用幽默将了对方一军，实在是高！

12、丘吉尔参加保守党期间，一次，与他共事的保守党议员威廉在会议上发表演说，看到丘吉尔摇头，心中很是不快，便提高嗓门说：“我想提醒尊敬的议员注意，我只是在发表自己的意见。”丘吉尔是不同意他的话而摇头，还是另有原因，不得而知，但威廉的话，显然表现出对丘吉尔的不满。他的一句“我只是在发表自己的意见”，无疑是想博得众人的理解，而给丘吉尔施加压力。此时，众议员纷纷将目光投向丘吉尔，只听丘吉尔不慌不忙却又语气坚定地说：“我也提醒演讲者注意，我只是在摇自己的头。”丘吉尔的话，绵里藏针，柔中有刚，不卑不亢地回击了威廉的非难。

13、著名作家萧伯纳和丘吉尔都是十九世纪英国很有影响的人物。二人交往较深，又都有几分傲气，因而见面后免不了打嘴仗，即便是通信也是如此。萧伯纳的幽默以尖刻著称，对丘吉尔就更不藏其锋芒了。有一次，萧伯纳派人送两张戏票给丘吉尔，并附上短笺：“亲爱的温斯顿爵士，奉上戏票２张，希望阁下能带一位朋友前来观看拙作《卖花女》的首场演出，假如阁下这样的人也有朋友的话。”萧伯纳的来信，奚落重于邀请，尤其是“这样的人”耐人寻味。丘吉尔看过信后，不甘示弱，马上写回条予以反击：“亲爱的萧伯纳先生，蒙赐戏票２张，谢谢！我和我的朋友因有约在先，不便分身前来观看《卖花女》的首场演出，但是我们一定会赶来观赏第二场演出，假如你的戏也会有第二场的话。”丘吉尔的回信实在高明。他套用萧伯纳来信的语言形式，同样来了个假设“假如你的戏也会有第二场的话”。这句话才

是丘吉尔复信的真实目的。其隐含的意思是：你这样低档次的演出，是不会有第二场的。丘吉尔用机智幽默的语言，还以“颜色”，巧妙地回击了萧伯纳的奚落，为后人留下了一段经典的幽默。

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