英语笑话

1. Being rather bald, I have long been used to comforting myself on a visit to the hairdresser with the opening remark,\ for the response of one barber:\ys say there's no sense in putting a roof on an empty barn.\

2. A colleague told me about the day he went to his high-school

reunion:\ recognize started hugging me, saying how happy he was to see me. When I confessed that I didn't know him, he said,\ know you either,but until you came I was the baldest man here!\3. When Mr. John went out for a walk, it started to rain.

Mr. John didn't carry any hat nor an umbrella. However, he kept walking. His clothes was wet and so was his shoes,

but his hair was not wet at all. why? Think about it!!

french crown 是秃头的委婉说法, french grey 浅灰色 french leave french window落地窗

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。love apple

其实是西红柿，love song就是情歌了，lovesick却是相思病了，lovelace

就是浪子和色鬼了，

David Weiss:

The six most important words are \ I made a mistake.\ words are \ou did a good job.\ most important words are \ The three most important words are \ please.\ \

大卫·韦斯：

六个最重要的字是“我承认我错了”。五个最重要的字是 “你干得很好”。四个最重要的字是“你的意见？”三个最 重要的字是“随你愿”。两个最重要的字是“谢谢”。最不 重要的字是“我”。

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Good will be rewarded with good, and evil with evil, if the reward isn't forth coming, it is

because the time has not arrived yet, and when the time arrives, one will get all the rewards he deserves.

善有善报，恶有恶报，不是不报，时候不到，时候一到，一切都报。 武林外传 英文片名翻译my own swordsman swordsman ['s?:dzm?n] n. 剑客；[古]武士；军人

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8. A Friend is……朋友就是……

Accepts you as you are 接受原本的你 Believes in \相信你这个人

Calls you just to say \打电话给你就是想说声\嗨\ Doesn't give up on you 从不放弃对你的信心 Envisions the whole of you 预期你总是尽全力 Forgives your mistakes 原谅你的过错 Gives unconditionally 无条件地给予 Helps you 帮助你

Invites you over 邀请你

Just \静静地在你的身旁 Keeps you close at heart 靠近你的心

Loves you for who you are 因你原来的样子而爱你 Makes a difference in your life 使你的生活与以往不同 Never judges 不间断 Offers support 支持你 Picks you up 扶你一把

Quiets your fears 止息你的惧怕 Raises your spirits 鼓舞你的心灵

Says nice things about you 跟别人述说你好的那一面

Tells you the truth when you need to hear it 当需要时会告诉你实情 Understands you 懂你 values you 看重你

Walks beside you 与你同行

eX-plain things you don't understand 解你的疑惑

Yells when you won't listen and 在你听不下时会大吼一下 Zaps you back to reality 把你拉回现实

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陀思妥耶夫斯基说:“我只担心一件事,就是怕我配不上我所受的苦难。” 英语原文\

英语脑筋急转弯

1.How many feet are there in a yard？ 一码有多少英尺？

It depends on how many people stand in the yard． 这要看院子里站了多少人。 feet n．英尺；脚（pl．）.. yard n．院子；码

2.Why is an empty purse always the same？ 空钱包为什么总是老样子？ There’s no change in it．.. 因为里面没有零钱。

change n．零钱；变化

3.What book has the most stirring chapters？ 什么书中有最动人的篇章？ A cook book．.. 烹饪书。 striring adj．动人的 Stir v.搅和，搅拌

4.What kind of dog doesn’t bite or bark？ 什么狗不咬人也不叫？ Hot dog．.. 热狗。

5.What’s the smallest room in the World？ 世界上什么房间最小？ A mushroom. 是蘑菇。

6.What kind of water should people drink in or der to be healthy？ 为了健康应该喝什么水？ Drink well water．.. 喝井水。

well n．井；adj．健康的

7.How do we know the ocean is friendly？ 人们如何知道海洋是友好的呢？ It waves.

它总是招手致意。 wave v．起波浪；招手致意

8.Which can move faster， heat or cold？ 冷和热谁跑得快？

Heat， because you can catch cold．.. 热跑得快，因为你追得上冷。 cold n．冷；感冒

catch cold 追上冷；患感冒

9.Why is the library the highest building？ 为什么说图书馆是最高的建筑？ It has the most stories．.. 因为图书馆里故事最多。 story n．故事；（楼）层

10..if you drop a white hat into the Red Ssa,what does it become? 如果你把白帽子丢进红海，它会变得怎么样？ it will get wet. 它会变湿.

11.who earns a living by driving his customers away?

谁通过把他的顾客送离来挣得钱财？ Driver.司机.

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