The Differences and Similarities of Views on Marriage between China and America

The Differences and Similarities of Views on Marriage between China and America

I. Introduction

Marriage is a very important turning point in almost all the civilizations since the human exists. In western world, the combination of Adam and Eve is regarded as the first marriage in their culture; in China, Nv Wa and Fu Xi are considered as the first couple who creates Chinese people. So marriage is a holy and wonderful thing in human?s growing process. And marriage value can be simply defined as the attitudes and viewpoints to marriage. Although all the people regard marriage as responsibility and accompany, the views on marriage differ greatly due to Chinese and American different cultures. And in this essay, I?ll illustrate the similarities and differences on three perspectives: marriage purposes, standard of choose a spouse, conjugal relations.

II. The similarities and differences of marriage purposes.

1. Similarities

Purposes of marriage are the expected result that men and women want to get from the marital relationship. In the old time, traditionally speaking, the primary purpose of marriage is the generation and nurturing of offspring; the second purpose is the mutual help of spouses, and the third is the remedy for concupiscence. As the American anthropologist says “marriage is not fundamental to our ?existence? and ?survival? merely because it sometimes is marked by expressions of love, commitment, and respect. Marriage is fundamental to our existence and survival because it remains society?s best and most effective way of ordering sexual relations between men and women, encouraging procreation.”

But in our daily life, almost all the marriage is based on love and affection. It?s very natural for people to fall in love and get married. A marriage without love can be definitely boring and meaningless. Secondly, marriage is the lawful and effective way

to find a stable a company both spiritually and physically. It?s the way to delaminate loneliness and isolation of human. 2. Differences

In ancient China, as the Book of Rites recorded, “合两姓之好，上以祀宗庙，下以继后世”. It means that marriage is the combination of two sexes that is responsible for the ancestors and has the responsibility to raise the descendents. The purposes of traditional marriage are combination of two families in order to become stronger and to carry on the family line for the men?s family. Absolutely, the traditional purposes of marriage are almost wiped out. And young men and women seek for marriage based on true love. But it?s still not simple to consider love as the most important element in traditions-rooted China. The traditional marriage value is a long life together marriage due to responsibility. And child is another important element to maintain marriage. A survey conducted by Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences shows that only 22% couples get married out of love instinct; 69% of the couples get married because of favorable impression and familiarity; still 9% of the couples marry only due to family interference.

But it quite different in America, they get marriage with such reasons. First, they want to have a satisfactory result for their love. Secondly, they are looking forward to looking for the long-term partner to get satisfaction both in spirit and physics; thirdly, Americans are independent and self-oriented, so they regard marriage as the combination of two individuals that is based on love and sex only. In their perspective, marriage without love is immortal and unqualified. The survey researched by the famous Public opinion experts Louis Harrison shows that 83% of the Americans love is the indispensible motivation of marriage and 90% of Americans consider love as the primary reason for retaining a happy marriage.

III. The similarities and differences of standard of choosing a spouse

1. Similarities

The spouse?s personality and characteristics is the common standard of choosing a husband or a wife. It is decisive to indicate how your life will be in the future. Then

the mutual topics and interests is also very important that can decide how long you marriage can last. And the intimacy and affection is the basic standard. 2. Differences

The most obvious difference of marriage between China and America is the standard of choosing a spouse. When Chinese look for spouse, they usually emphasize on age, appearance, stature, family background, money, house, work and so on. Chinese are more realistic than American. The standards to find a spouse attach much importance on material aspects. Finding a spouse is not for themselves, but also to satisfy others? aesthetic sense. For example, if a Chinese woman find a spouse who is much shorter than her, when they walk together, in the woman?s mind, other people will feel strange when they look at them. The Chinese view of marriage is that the marriage is the end of romance and it is the begin of the ordinary life.

But If an American wants to choose his or her partner, they prefer the similar value views between them. They will consider more about hobbies, personality, interests rather than height, appearance, age and social status. They even never care about your marriage history or how many kids you have. Americans really appreciate a funny lifelong companion. Here funny means humorous, wise, optimistic and vivid, definitely, it is not easy to be a funny guy. In USA, independent, capable, mature ladies are more popular than young ladies not matter in marriage market or job-hunting market while in China pretty young girls are the favors and targets of men. When comes to partner choosing, girls are told to get a better education and accomplishment even a perfect figure in order to marry a excellent husband with a successful career. It is very common, in China, for parents refuse to agree their daughter marry a poor guy without an apartment or a car even any accounts. When Americans look for spouse, they emphasize on religions, hobbies and characteristic. Dating advertisement is none of their parents? business. It?s only their personal affair. Common people or prince, we can?t recognize people?s status in the dating advertisement. Their view of marriage is that the marriage is the beginning of a happy life, and the continuation of romance.

IV. The similarities and differences of conjugal relations

1. Similarities

The most important in conjugal relation is responsibility in all the cultures, the responsibility to support each other, the responsibility to share every happiness and sorrow, the responsibility to maintain the family and raise children. The respect for each other is the fundamental element. 2. Differences

Due to the different cultures, the conjugal relations differ a lot. The Chinese couples usually mix their property, house, self space .when a Chinese woman goes shopping, if she find a shirt or watch that is very suit for her husband, she will buy it for her husband. But in America, the wife will not do this. And in Chinese family, it is transparent between the husband and wife .The Chinese will not conceal something to their spouse.

In America, the couples will make property acknowledgement before they get married. When they pay something, the America couples usually pay fifty –fifty. And they have their own mailbox, without the other?s allowance, the husband or wife can?t read his or her spouse?s letters. In comparison with Chinese family, American couples have more independence from each other.

InChina,family members depend on each other for support and they are required to show loyalty to the family and bring demonstrated virtuous behavior, then the whole family loses face. The meaning of “face” should view in relation to the gain or loss of the social status of the family, not just of the individual. Chinese culture emphasizes the collective quality in the nature of individual?s life and behavior. The Chinese have a stronger sense of family honor than Americans.

ButinAmerica,families advocate equality. The husband and the wife usually have an equality voice in decision-making, and on certain matters,family members are regarded as friend and they should treated quality in daily life.

V. The reason for great differences of marriage viewpoint between China and America

The cultural gap leads to the great differences of love and marriage views between China and USA. Firstly, Americans regard marriage as their own private business that is not belongs to moral problem and no one can involve. Everyone was given right to live a happy life with beloved one. He or she can choose partner again, of course, when they discover that the present marriage is a tremendous mistake especially there is no love left. In contrast, in China a marriage without love continues to exist because there are a lot of reasons and other things to maintain it such as family ties, responsibilities, moralities, concept of clan and so on.

Secondly, Americans believe good relationship is more important than marriage itself. As a result, they avoid or put off marriage and refuse to build or hold an unhappy marriage. While in China, traditional culture paid attention to the stability of family. Chinese would utilize all means to mortify the family life which is full of breaches when crisis lie in the marriage.

Thirdly, in the American society, the viewpoint of mainstream is that family is more important than work. If there is a serious conflict between family and work, definitely, work has to give in. What about in China? From ancient times to modern times, main thoughts in China advocated that country and nation should be considered firstly. If you take yourself into account when you deal with something that means you are selfish and of course, you lack of noble morality

VI. Conclusion

Love and marriage play an important role both in American and Chinese?s life. Fall in love or get married that is a natural thing for human beings. Americans and Chinese still share some similarities on the viewpoint of marriage, such as marrying for love, responsible for their family.

But they still have a lot of differences. Firstly, Americans believe that love is just pure love while love in China is related to many substantial things. Secondly, the standards for Chinese people to choose a spouse are family background, education background besides love. But for Americans, the instinct of love and intimacy are the most important. Thirdly, Chinese couples share everything in their marriage, but

Americans have their private space and time and they think husbands and wives are equal partners. But all in all, If you fall in love or get married, definitely, you are going to star an absolutely new life with your partner no matter in USA or China. American and Chinese, they both have to learn how to get along with their partners and transform their roles gradually during their marriage. Besides, they both hoping for a better life and believe that they will create a happier and more perfect life together.

Work cited

1. 徐行言,《中西文化比较》，Beijing: Peking University Press

2. Teague.G., Culture Journey: America: Beijing, Foreign Language and Research

Press

3. 黄传会，中国婚姻调查，Shanghai: Writers? Publishing House

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