绝望的主妇第一季剧本-01

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

1X01: PILOT

Original Airdate on ABC: October 3, 2004

OPEN ON: [EXT. WISTERIA LANE --- MORNING]

(A school bus drives up the road. Friendly "Good Morning" are exchanged between neighbours. A woman pushes a baby carriage along, while a car pulls out of a driveway and drives down the road. GABRIELLE jogs past a fence on the sidewalk. Pan to:(EXT.YOUNG HOUSE - FRONT YARD) (MAR, and smells a flower, smiling faintly.)

NARRATOR: My name is Mary Alice Young. When you read this morning's paper, you may come across an article about the unusual day I had last week. Normally, there's never anything newsworthy about my life. That all changed last Thursday. Of course everything seemed as normal at first. I made my breakfast for my family.

(Cut to:MARY ALICE, carrying a plate of waffles to the breakfast table, where PAUL and ZACH are sitting. She passes the plate to PAUL.)

MARY ALICE::Here we are. Waffles.

NARRATOR: I performed my chores. (Cut to:MARY ALICE, flipping a switch on the washing machine, and then lifting a basket of clothing off the machine. )

NARRATOR: I completed my projects.

(Cut to:MARY ALICE, stirring a paintbrush in a can of paint and painting a garden chair)

NARRATOR: I ran my errands (Cut to:MARY ALICE picking up the dry-cleaning, then retrieving the mail from the mailbox.) NARRATOR: In truth, I spent the day as I spend every other day - quietly polishing the routine of my life until it gleamed with perfection.

(Cut to:MARY ALICE, straightening a photo frame on top of the piano. She sighs with satisfaction, a contented smile on her face.)

NARRATOR: That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet to retrieve a revolver that had never been used.

(Cut to:MARY ALICE takes a box off a shelf in the closet. Looking worried and distraught, she shakily puts a revolver to her temple. We see a finger pulling the trigger, and a loud shot is heard. The camera stays on the YOUNG family picture, as the blurred reflection of MARY ALICE is shown in the frame of the picture falling to the ground.)

(Cut to: MRS. HUBER'S HOUSE - KITCHEN)

(MRS. HUBER's finger dips into a pool of red sauce (resembling blood). She licks the sauce on her finger, as she turns her head towards the She licks the sauce on her finger, as she turns her head towards the YOUNG house, puzzled by the sound she's heard.)

NARRATOR: My body was discovered by my neighbour, Mrs. Martha Huber, who had been startled by a strange popping sound. Her curiosity aroused, Mrs. Huber tried to think of a reason for dropping in on me unannounced. After some initial hesitation, she decided to return the blender she had borrowed from me 6 months before.

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

(MRS. HUBER takes a blender labeled Property of MARY ALICE YOUNG off a shelf, and hurries next door to ring the doorbell. Hearing no answer, she hurries to the side of the house, where she peers inside the window and sees MARY ALICE's dead body lying on the ground, a pool of blood next to her. She screams. We see MRS. HUBER hurry back to her own house.)

MRS HUBER: (on the phone) It's my neighbour. I think she's been shot, there's blood everywhere. Yes, you've got to send an ambulance. You've got to send one right now! (MRS. HUBER hangs up the phone. She stands in the kitchen, lips trembling, fighting tears.)

NARRATOR: And for a moment, Mrs. Huber stood motionless in her kitchen, grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy. But, only for a moment.

(MRS. HUBER turns her head sideways, noticing the blender sitting on the kitchen counter.

She rips the label off the blender, and puts it back on her shelf.)

NARRATOR: If there was one thing Mrs. Huber was known for, it was her ability to look on the bright side.

(MRS. HUBER shuts the cupboard door.)

OPENING CREDITS

CUT TO: [EXT. WISTERIA LANE -- DAY]

(Residents wearing black clothing and bearing plates and baskets of food are walking towards the YOUNG household)

NARRATOR: I was laid to rest on a Monday. After the funeral, all the residents of Wisteria Lane came to pay their respects. And as people do in this situation, they brought food.

(Pan to:LYNETTE, holding a plate of fried chicken with one hand as she walks.) NARRATOR: Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken. Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken.

(Flashback to: LYNETTE talking animatedly in a conference room as she points at a projected screen with charts and figures, a room full of corporate businesspeople taking notes or watching as she shows her presentation, smiling with confidence.) NARRATOR: Of course, she didn't cook much as she was moving up the corporate ladder. She didn't have the time. (Fade to: The doctor's office, where he performs a sonogram on LYNETTE's exposed belly, as LYNETTE lies in a chair watching the screen, laughing with excitement. Her husband, TOM, sits next to her as he watches with amazement at the sonogram, holding LYNETTE's hand.)

NARRATOR: But when her doctor announced Lynette was pregnant, her husband Tom had an idea. Why not quit your job? Kids do much better with stay at home mums; it was so much less stressful.

(We see TOM gesturing, talking animatedly as he proposes this idea to LYNETTE, who nods hesitantly in agreement as she looks at him.)

NARRATOR: But this was not the case.

(End of flashback. Resume to present.)

(LYNETTE pushes a baby carriage with her free hand, looking weary. The SCAVO

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

children, Twins PRESTON & PORTER, and the younger brother PARKER, jostles each other as they walk on the sidewalk in front of the carriage, bickering rowdily with each other.)

NARRATOR: In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic she was now forced to get her chicken from a fast food restaurant. Lynette would have appreciated the irony of it if she stopped to think about it, but she couldn't. She didn't have the time. (LYNETTE pushes in front of the 3 boys, trying to separate them.)

LYNETTE: Hey, hey, hey, hey! (She kneels in front of them with a stern look on her face.)

LYNETTE: Stop it, stop it, stop it. Stop it.

PRESTON: But Mom!

LYNETTE: No, you are going to behave today. I am not going to be humiliated in front of the entire neighbourhood. And, just so you know how serious I am... (reaches inside her top and pulls a folded piece of paper from her pocket) PRESTON: What's that?

LYNETTE: Santa's cell-phone number.

PORTER: How'd you get that?

LYNETTE: I know someone, who knows someone, who knows an elf. And if anyone of you acts up, so help me, I will call Santa and tell him you want socks for Christmas. You willing to risk that?

SCAVO kids: Uh-uh! (all shake their heads vehemently)

LYNETTE: Okay.

(She tucks the paper back in her pocket, and straightens.)

LYNETTE: Let's get this over with.

(The camera pans across the road.)

(Pan to:EXT. SOLIS HOUSE - FRONT YARD)

(CARLOS stands outside, hands in his pocket, turning his head to see GABRIELLE come out of the front door, holding a plate in one hand and a bag in the other. She wears a black halter neck dress, black high heels and an expensive diamond necklace. ) NARRATOR: Gabrielle Solis, who lives down the block, brought a spicy paella. (Flashback to: GABRIELLE, strutting down a runway, wearing a pink dress as she models, the crowd is clapping and many cameras are flashing. The camera pans to CARLOS sitting in the audience.)

NARRATOR: Since her modelling days in New York, Gabrielle had developed a taste for rich food and rich men. Carlos, who worked in mergers and acquisitions, proposed on their third date. Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes. (Flash to: GABRIELLE and CARLOS, sitting in a restaurant. CARLOS holds out a ring as GABRIELLE gasps, excitedly hopping up and down in her chair as she agrees, smiling and laughing. We see the gleam of CARLOS'tears of happiness as he smiles at her.)

NARRATOR: But she soon discovered this happened every time Carlos closed a big deal.

(End of flashback. Resume to present.)

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

(GABRIELLE walks down the pathway to where CARLOS is waiting, and hands him the plate. They start walking together towards the YOUNG house.)

NARRATOR: Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot. However, her relationship with her husband was considerably cooler.

CARLOS: If you talk to Al Mason at this thing, I want you to casually mention how much I paid for your necklace.

GABRIELLE: Why don't I just pin the receipt to my chest? CARLOS: He let me know how much he paid for his wife's new convertible. Look, just work it into the conversation.

GABRIELLE: There's no way I can just work that in, Carlos.

CARLOS: Why not? At the Donohue party, everyone was talking about mutual funds. And you found a way to mention you slept with half the Yankee outfield. GABRIELLE: I'm telling you, it came up in the context of the conversation.

CARLOS: Hey, people are starting to stare. Can you keep your voice down please? GABRIELLE: (sigh) Absolutely. Wouldn't want them to think we're not happy. CUT TO: [EXT. YOUNG HOUSE - PORCH].

(The door opens to BREE's serenely smiling face. We see REX, her husband, behind her, an expression of exasperation on his face.)

NARRATOR: Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door, brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch. Bree was known for her cooking.

(Flashback to: BREE, sitting at a sewing machine, making clothes.)

NARRATOR: And for making her own clothes.

(Cut to:BREE, garbed in work-wear, planting a tree.)

NARRATOR: And for doing her own gardening.

(Cut to:BREE, using a hand knife to slice open the cover of a stuffed chair.) NARRATOR: And for reupholstering her own furniture.

(End of flashback. Resume to present.)

NARRATOR: Yes, Bree's many talents were known throughout the neighbourhood. And everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree as the perfect wife and mother. Everyone, that is, except her own family.

(We see an exasperated REX, and her children - an annoyed ANDREW and a frazzled-looking DANIELLE - behind BREE, the very image of perfection. She carries a basket of baked goods in each hand as she walks up to PAUL and ZACH, looking sympathetic.)

BREE: Paul, Zachary.

ZACH: Hello Mrs. Van De Kamp.

PAUL: Bree, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble.

(PAUL extends his hands to take the baskets from BREE, who moves the baskets out of his reach as he tries to take them from her.)

BREE: It was no trouble at all. Now the basket with the red ribbon (holds up the basket) is filled with desserts for your guests. But the one with the blue ribbon (holds up the other basket) is just for you and Zachary. It's got rolls, muffins, breakfast type things.

PAUL: Thank you.

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

BREE: Well, the least I could do is make sure you boys had a decent meal to look forward to in the morning. I know you're out of your minds with grief.

(REX, ANDREW and DANIELLE exchange long-suffering glances and mental eyeballing.)

PAUL: Yes, we are.

BREE: (beat) Of course, I will need the baskets back once you're done. (smiling serenely)

(REX looks with disbelief at his wife.)

PAUL: (taken back) Of course.

(BREE walks off with the baskets, leaving the rest of them stunned. REX is literally open-mouthed with disbelief.)

(Cut to:EXT. MEYER HOUSE - PORCH --- DAY)

(SUSAN and her daughter JULIE comes out of their front door. SUSAN holds a flat, rectangular dish covered in tin foil. The wind blows the foil off, SUSAN snatches it back and recovers the dish as she and JULIE walk down the pathway.

NARRATOR: Susan Meyer, who lives across the street, brought macaroni and cheese. Her husband Carl always teased her about her macaroni, saying it was the only thing she knew how to cook, and she rarely made it well. It was too salty the night she and Carl moved into their new house.

(Flashback to: SUSAN and CARL sitting at their kitchen table, laughing and smiling. JULIE, as a baby, is sitting between them.)

NARRATOR: It was too watery the night she found lipstick on Carl's shirt.

(Cut to:SUSAN throws a towel at CARL, who catches it and throws it on the ground, as they yell at each other. JULIE, as a toddler, sits there watching her parents argue.) NARRATOR: She burned it the night Carl told her he was leaving her for his secretary.

(Cut to:SUSAN and JULIE at about 13, sits at the table, the macaroni and cheese in the middle, untouched. CARL comes down the stairs carrying suitcases, and leaves via the kitchen door. SUSAN starts crying, as JULIE rubs her arm.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.)

NARRATOR: A year had passed since the divorce. Susan was starting to think how nice it would be to have a man in her life, even one who would make fun of her cooking.

JULIE: Mom, why would someone kill themselves?

SUSAN: Well, sometimes people are so unhappy they think it's the only way they can solve their problems.

JULIE: But Mrs. Young always seemed happy.

SUSAN: Yeah, sometimes people pretend to be one way on the outside and they're totally different on the inside.

JULIE: Oh you mean how Dad's girlfriend is always smiling and says nice things but deep down you just know she's a bi*ch.

SUSAN: I don't like that word, Julie. But yeah, that's a great example.

(Cut to: YOUNG HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- WAKE --- DAY SUSAN and JULIE walk in the front door. SUSAN puts the dish down on the table and takes the tin foil off.

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

JULIE joins the teenage group standing next to the table.)

JULIE: Hey, what's going on?

(Cut to:YOUNG HOUSE - KITCHEN -- WAKE --- DAY SUSAN walks in, dumping the tin foil in the bin. BREE, GABRIELLE and LYNETTE are sitting around at the kitchen table. LYNETTE is holding the baby.)

SUSAN: Sorry I'm late.

GABRIELLE: Hi Susan.

LYNETTE: (smiles at SUSAN) Hey.

(BREE looks up at SUSAN, looking upset. SUSAN takes her place at the table, and looks at the one empty chair in the table, where MARY ALICE used to sit. She picks up the coffee pot, and starts pouring coffee into a mug. We follow the stream of coffee into the mug.)

(Flashback to: The same stream of coffee being poured into a mug. SUSAN looks up at MARY ALICE, who is pouring coffee into SUSAN'S mug. MARY ALICE sits back down in her seat and puts down the coffee jug.)

MARY ALICE:(to SUSAN) So? What did Carl say when you confronted him? SUSAN: You'll love this, he said it doesn't mean anything, it was just sex. (They all groan.)

BREE: Oh yes, page one of the philanderer's handbook.

SUSAN: Yeah, and then he got this Zen look on his face, and he said, you know Susan, most men live lives of quiet desperation.

LYNETTE: Please tell me you punched him.

SUSAN: No, I said, really? And what do most women lead, lives of noisy fulfillment? GABRIELLE: (raises her eyebrows) Hmm.

MARY ALICE: Good for you.

SUSAN: I mean, of all people, did he have to bang his secretary? I had that woman over for brunch.

GABRIELLE: It's like my grandmother always said, an erect penis doesn't have a conscience.

LYNETTE: Even the limp ones aren't that ethical.

BREE: This is half the reason I joined the NRA. (SUSAN looks at her.) Well, when Rex started going to those medical conferences, I wanted at the back of his mind that he had a loving wife at home, with a loaded Smith and Wesson.

MARY ALICE: Lynnie? Tom's always away on business. Do you ever worry he might..? LYNETTE: Oh, please, the man's gotten me pregnant three times in four years. I wish he was having sex with someone else. (smiles)

BREE: So Susan, is he going to stop seeing that woman?

SUSAN: I don't know. (smiles, tearing up) I'm sorry you guys, I just... I just don't know how I'm going to survive this.

MARY ALICE: Listen to me. (puts her hand on SUSAN's hand) We all have moments of desperation. But if we can face them head on, that's how we find out just how strong we really are.

(SUSAN puts her other hand on top of MARY ALICE's hand, smiling at her.) (End of flashback. Resume to present.)

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

BREE: Susan? Susan. (SUSAN withdraws her hand from the same position from the flashback.) I was just saying Paul wants us to go over on Friday. He needs us to go through Mary Alice's closet, and help pack up her things. He says he can't face doing it by himself.

SUSAN: Sure, that's fine.

BREE: Are you OK?

SUSAN: Yeah. I'm just so angry. If Mary Alice was having problems, she should have come to us; she should have let us help her.

GABRIELLE: What kind of problems could she have had? She was healthy, had a great home, a nice family. Her life was?-

LYNETTE: -our life.

GABRIELLE: No, if Mary Alice was having some sort of crisis, we'd have known. She lives 50 feet away, for god's sakes.

SUSAN: Gabby, the woman killed herself. Something must've been going on. (They all look down and consider this point, as PAUL, unseen, leans against the living room doorway, eavesdropping on their conversation. He sips his drink, looking very shifty and suspicious, like he knows more than he's letting on.) (Cut to:YOUNG HOUSE - DINING ROOM -- WAKE --- DAY)

(Food is set out on the table buffet-style. SUSAN walks into the room, where MIKE is spooning some of SUSAN's macaroni and cheese onto his plate)

SUSAN: Oh, I wouldn't eat that if I were you.

MIKE: Why?

SUSAN: I made it, trust me. (MIKE prepares to take a bite) Hey, hey, do you have a death wish?

MIKE: No, I just refuse to believe that anybody can screw up macaroni and cheese. (MIKE takes a bites of the macaroni, as SUSAN gestures apologetically, smiling.) MIKE: Oh my god. (makes a face) How did you?it tastes like it's burnt and undercooked.

SUSAN: Yeah, I get that a lot. Here you go.

(SUSAN gets a tissue and gives it to him, as he spits his mouthful of macaroni and cheese into the tissue.)

MIKE: Thanks. I'm Mike Delfino, I just rented out the Sim's house next door. SUSAN: Susan Meyer, I live across the street.

MIKE: Oh yeah, Mrs. Huber told me about you, said you illustrate children's books. SUSAN: Yeah I'm very big with the under 5 set. (MIKE laughs) What do you do? MIKE: Plumber. So if you ever have a clog. Or something.

SUSAN: (laughs) Now that everybody's seen that I've brought something, I should probably just throw this out.

(JULIE looks over to see SUSAN and MIKE flirting with each other, smiles. SUSAN takes the dish of macaroni and walks off. MIKE watches her as she leaves. She stops and looks back at MIKE. She smiles, then continues walking to the next room.) (Cut to:INT. YOUNG HOUSE - BACK ROOM WINDOW SEAT -- WAKE --- DAY LYNETTE struggles with the baby, covering it in a blanket. MRS. HUBER hurries up

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

the path, sees LYNETTE through the window and comes in.)

LYNETTE: (to baby) Ow! Ease up, you little vampire. MRS. HUBER: Lynette! I've been looking all over for you.

LYNETTE: Oh. (smiles, distracted by the baby)

MRS. HUBER:Are you aware of what your sons are doing?

(LYNETTE's smile drops instantly)

(Cut to:EXT. YOUNG HOUSE - POOL SIDE --- DAY The SCAVO kids are swimming in the pool, splashing, generally making lots of noise. Their nice shoes and clothes are discarded at the poolside.)

SCAVO kids: Stop. Arrrggggh. Hah!

(LYNETTE hurries down the path to the poolside holding the baby. She stops at the poolside, appalled at what she sees.)

LYNETTE: What are you doing!? We are at a wake!

PRESTON: When we got here, you said we could go in the pool.

LYNETTE: (crouches down) I said you could go by the pool. Do you have your swimsuits on??

PORTER: Yeah, we put them on under our clothes just before we left.

LYNETTE: You three planned this?? Alright, that's it. Get out!

PORTER: No!

LYNETTE: No? I am your mother. You have to do what I say. Come on. PRESTON: We wanna swim and you can't stop us.

(LYNETTE looks around at the whole neighbourhood watching, helpless. The SCAVO kids all float in the water, their arms crossed in defiance. Seeing this, LYNETTE raises her eyebrow and sets her face with angry resolve.)

LYNETTE: (gives the baby to a man standing nearby) Here.

(LYNETTE steps into the pool, holding her skirt as she walks down the pool steps towards the boys. The boys' mouths drop open in surprise.)

LYNETTE: Get out. Or I will get in this pool and just grab you, get out! Get over here. Get over here. Get back or I'll kill you.

(LYNETTE struggles in the pool with the boys, splashing around as the boys try to swim away from her.)

LYNETTE: That's right, get over here. Go, go, go, ugh. Move it. Out. Get out. (PAUL and ZACH walk out by the pool, watching in amazement. SUSAN puts her hands over her mouth with embarrassment, as REX, ANDREW and DANIELLE, laughing in amazement, come out to watch. The water flies everywhere as LYNETTE struggles to catch hold of her kids. PAUL looks down at his jacket as water splashes onto his suit. LYNETTE manages to grab onto PRESTON's foot, dragging him towards the edge of the pool, as she catches hold of PARKER's foot as well. She manages to pull them up the steps and out of the pool, herself soaking wet. She glares at PORTER floating in the water, who gets out of the pool in a hurry.

LYNETTE takes the baby from the man, then goes up to PAUL, flustered, as the boys gather their clothes.)

LYNETTE: Paul. We have to leave now. Once again, I am so sorry for your loss. (to kids) Go!

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

(LYNETTE hurries the boys along the path as PAUL watches them leave. He turns, and looks into the pool. The camera moves into the pool, looking up at PAUL as he stares menacingly into the watery depths.)

NARRATOR: Lynette shouldn't have been so concerned about my husband. He had other things on his mind. Things below the surface.

CUT TO: [EXT. WISTERIA LANE --- DAWN]

(A newspaper boy on a bike rides along the road, throwing newspapers at each home as he rides by.)

NARRATOR: The morning after my funeral, my friends and neighbours quietly went back to their busy, busy lives. Some did their cooking.

(Cut to:INT. SCAVO HOUSE - KITCHEN --- DAY LYNETTE struggles with her kids in her home, as the boys throw cereal around.)

NARRATOR: And some did their cleaning.

(Cut to:INT. VAN DE KAMP HOUSE - BATHROOM --- DAY BREE kneels next to the toilet, holding a scrubber, scrubbing the toilet ferociously.)

NARRATOR: And some did their yoga.

(Cut to:INT. SOLIS HOUSE - FOYER --- DAY We look out at GABRIELLE, who strikes a yoga stance on a mat in front of her open door.)

NARRATOR: Others did their homework.

(Cut to:EXT. WISTERIA LANE --- DAY A soccer ball is kicked high in the air towards a house.)

(Cut to:INT. DELFINO HOUSE - FOYER --- DAY The sound of a doorbell ringing. The door opens, and MIKE looks out at JULIE, who smiles apologetically.)

JULIE: Hi.

(MIKE's dog barks, and MIKE puts a hand on the dog's neck to calm it down. He looks at JULIE.)

JULIE: I'm Julie, I kicked my soccer ball into your backyard.

MIKE: Oh, OK. Well, let's go round and get it. (to dog) Stay.

(Cut to:INT. MEYER HOUSE - SUSAN- WORK STUDIO --- DAY JULIE paces the floor walking back and forth, throwing the soccer ball up and down as she talks. SUSAN is working on her illustrations.)

JULIE: (to SUSAN) His wife died a year ago, he wanted to stay in LA but there were too many memories. He's renting for tax purposes, but he's hoping to buy a place real soon.

SUSAN: I can't believe you went over there.

JULIE: Hey, I saw you both flirting at the wake. You're obviously into each other. Now that you know he's single, you can ask him out.

SUSAN: Julie, I like Mr. Delfino, I do. It's just, I don't know if I'm ready to start dating yet.

JULIE: Ugh, you need to get back out there. Come on. How long has it been since you're had sex? (SUSAN's pen halts stroke. She turns to look at JULIE, open-mouthed.) Are you mad that I asked you that?

SUSAN: No, I'm just trying to remember. (JULIE tilts her head to one side, smiling at SUSAN, who turns back to her drawing.) I don't wanna talk to you about my love

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

life anymore, it weirds me out.

JULIE: I wouldn't have said anything it's just?

SUSAN: (turns around to look at JULIE) What?

JULIE: I heard Dad's girlfriend asking if you'd dated anyone since the divorce, and Dad said he doubted it. (SUSAN looks down at her lap.) And then they both laughed. (SUSAN turns to look at JULIE, mouth open in indignation. That does it.)

(Cut to:EXT. WISTERIA LANE --- DAY SUSAN, holding a pot-plant, hurries along the road and walks up the steps to MIKE's house to ring his doorbell. We hear the dog bark as MIKE opens the door.)

MIKE: Hey, Susan.

SUSAN: Hi Mike. (smiles) I brought you a little housewarming gift. I probably should've brought something by earlier, but...

MIKE: Actually, you're the first in the neighbourhood to stop by.

SUSAN: Really? (She laughs)

NARRATOR: Susan knew she was lucky. An eligible bachelor had moved onto Wisteria Lane, and she was the first to find out. But she also knew that good news travels quickly.

EDIE: (waving as she walks, holding a dish) Hello there!

NARRATOR: (slow motion shot of Edie jogging towards MIKE and SUSAN) Edie Britt was the most predatory divorcee in a 5 block radius. Her conquests were numerous. (Flashback to: EDIE and a workman in her living room. She grabs him, as his toolbox drops on the ground with a crash.)

NARRATOR: Varied?

(Cut to:a tennis coach standing behind EDIE in her living room, helping her swing a tennis racquet with her right hand. She turns and kisses him, pushing him onto her couch.)

NARRATOR: And legendary.

(Cut to:EDIE, sitting on her couch. She looks up at a priest, and pulls him down on top of her. He yells, his Bible dropping onto the ground.)

(End of flashback. Resume to present.)

(EDIE walks up to the porch, pushing her sunglasses onto her head.)

EDIE: Hi Susan, I hope I'm not interrupting. You must be Mike Delfino. Hi, I'm Edie. Britt. I live over there (points). Welcome to Wisteria Lane. (SUSAN shifts uncomfortably.)

NARRATOR: Susan had met the enemy, and she was a slut.

MIKE: Thank you, what's this?

EDIE: Sausage Puttenesca. It's just something I threw together. (SUSAN looks at her disbelievingly.)

MIKE: Thanks, Edie. (laughs) That's great. Uh, I'd invite you both in, but I was sorta in the middle of something.

SUSAN: (overlapping EDIE) Oh, I'm late for an appointment anyway.

EDIE: (overlapping SUSAN) Oh, no problem, I just wanted to say hi.

MIKE: Well, thanks.

(SUSAN and EDIE walk down the steps of the porch, and down the walkway.)

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

NARRATOR: And just like that, the race for Mike Delfino had begun. For a moment, Susan wondered if her rivalry with Edie would remain friendly.

EDIE: (turns suddenly) Oh, Mike. I heard you're a plumber?

MIKE: Yeah.

EDIE: Do you think you could stop by later tonight and take a look at my pipes? NARRATOR: But she was reminded that when it came to men? Women don't fight fair.

MIKE: Sure.

EDIE: Thanks. (EDIE smiles, following SUSAN down the path.) Bye Susan. (SUSAN waves halfheartedly as she walks in the opposite direction towards her home.) CUT TO: [INT. SOLIS HOUSE -- DINING ROOM --- DAY]

GABRIELLE: [OS] You can't order me around like I'm a child!

(GABRIELLE paces the floor, hands on her waist as CARLOS packs his suitcase for work)

CARLOS: Gabrielle...

GABRIELLE: No. No, no, no, I'm not going.

CARLOS: It's business, Tanaka expects everyone to bring their wives. GABRIELLE: Every time I'm around that man, he tries to grab my ass.

CARLOS: (puts his hand on GABRIELLE's shoulder) I made over $200,000 doing business with him last year. If he wants to grab your ass, you let him.

(CARLOS walks out of the front door and down the porch steps. He stops at the bottom of the steps, and looks sideways to where JOHN is cutting a bush with a pair of gardening shears.)

CARLOS: John!

JOHN: (pricks his finger on a rose thorn) Ow. (turns around to look at CARLOS) Mr. Solis. You scared me.

CARLOS: Why is that bush still there? I told you to dig it up last week. JOHN: I didn't have time last week.

CARLOS: I don't wanna hear your excuses, just take care of it.

(GABRIELLE walks out the front door and walks down the porch steps, putting her arms on her waist.)

GABRIELLE: (to CARLOS) I really hate the way you talk to me.

CARLOS: (walks up to her) And I really hate that I spent $15,000 on your diamond necklace that you couldn't live without. But I'm learning to deal with it. (JOHN sucks his finger, watching the argument) So. Can I tell Tanaka we'll be there tomorrow night?

GABRIELLE: (turns sideways to look at JOHN) John. We have bandages top shelf in the kitchen.

JOHN: Thanks, Mrs. Solis. (walks between CARLOS and GABRIELLE, up the porch steps and into the house.)

GABRIELLE: (looks at CARLOS coolly) Fine. I'll go. But I'm keeping my back pressed against the wall the entire time.

CARLOS: (smiles as he walks backwards) See? Now this is what a marriage is all about - compromise. (turns around and walks towards his car)

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

(Cut to:INT. SOLIS HOUSE - KITCHEN/DINING ROOM --- DAY JOHN is putting a bandage on his finger. GABRIELLE walks in the front door and comes up to him.) GABRIELLE: Is your finger ok?

JOHN: Yeah, yeah, it's just a small cut.

GABRIELLE: Let me see. (takes his hand, and starts kissing his finger) Mmmm. (She puts her arms around his neck, kissing him as she sliding her hands up his back. JOHN breaks off the kiss, backing off to the other side of the room)

JOHN: You know, Mrs. Solis, uhh, I really like it when we hook up. (GABRIELLE starts to take off her top slowly) But, um, you know I gottaget my work done, I can't afford to lose this job. (JOHN swallows, watching GABRIELLE as she takes off her shirt.)

GABRIELLE: (runs her hand over the tabletop) This table is hand carved. Carlos had it imported from Italy. It cost him $23,000.

JOHN: You wanna do it on the table this time? (walks towards GABRIELLE) GABRIELLE: Absolutely.

(JOHN takes his shirt off and kisses GABRIELLE, laying her down on the table as they start to get it on.)

CUT TO: [INT. VAN DE KAMP HOUSE - DINING ROOM -- DINNER --- NIGHT] (The VAN DE KAMP family is seated, eating silently.)

DANIELLE: Why can't we ever have normal soup?

BREE: Danielle, there is nothing abnormal about basil puree.

DANIELLE: Just once, can we have a soup that people have heard of? Like, french onion or navy bean.

BREE: First of all, your father can't eat onions, he's deadly allergic. (REX glances at BREE sullenly.) And I won't even dignify your navy bean suggestion. So. How's the osso bucco?

ANDREW: It's OK. (BREE stares at him.)

BREE: It's OK? Andrew, I spent 3 hours cooking this meal. How do you think it makes me feel when you say it's OK, in that sullen tone?

ANDREW: Who asked you to spend 3 hours on dinner? (REX stops chewing, looks at ANDREW. DANIELLE looks at BREE.)

BREE: Excuse me?

ANDREW: (REX looks back at his plate) Tim Harper's mom gets home from work, pops open a can of pork and beans, and boom, they're eating, everyone's happy. BREE: You'd rather I serve pork and beans?

DANIELLE: Apologize now, I am begging.

ANDREW: I'm just saying, do you always have to serve cuisine? Can't we ever just have food?

BREE: Are you doing drugs?

ANDREW: What!?

BREE: (angry) Change in behaviour is one of the warning signs, and you have been as fresh as paint for the last 6 months. (looks down) That certainly would explain why you're always locked in the bathroom.

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

DANIELLE: (grinning) Trust me, that is not what he is doing.

ANDREW: (to DANIELLE) (sot to) Shut up. (REX looks embarrassed. BREE glances at REX, then back at ANDREW incredulously) Mom, I'm not the one with the problem here, alright? You're the one always acting like she's running for mayor of Stepford. BREE: (looks at REX) Rex. Seeing as you're the head of this household, I would really appreciate you saying something.

REX: (beat) Pass the salt?

(DANIELLE passes the salt to REX. ANDREW, DANIELLE and REX continue their meal as BREE looks at REX, stunned.)

CUT TO: [INT. SUPERMARKET --- DAY]

NARRATOR: Three days after my funeral, Lynette replaced her grief with a much more useful emotion - indignation.

(A frazzled LYNETTE is at the crowded supermarket with her children. The baby is sitting in the cart, as, unseen by LYNETTE, the twins sneak off, pushing the other cart into another aisle as LYNETTE talks on the phone.)

LYNETTE: (on the phone) Tom, this is my 5th message and you still haven't called me back. Well, you must be having a lot of fun on your business trip. I can only imagine. Well, guess what, the kids and I wanna have some fun too, so unless you call me back by noon, we are getting on a plane and joining you.

PRESTON: Mom!

LYNETTE: (glances at PRESTON) Not now, honey, Mommy's threatening Daddy. PRESTON: Mom!

LYNETTE: (turns around as she throws a bottle in the cart.) No, I am not... (She trails off, noticing the twins are gone) Where're your brothers?

(Cut to:PARKER pushing PORTER on the shopping cart in another aisle, putting random items from the shelf in the cart.)

PORTER: Noodles, my favourite!

(Cut to:LYNETTE, followed by PRESTON, pushes the cart out of the aisle, looking around, trying to find the twins. A SHOPPER looks up to see LYNETTE coming towards her.)

SHOPPER: Lynette Scavo?

LYNETTE: (sotto) Crap. (looks up, smiling widely) Natalie Klein, I don't believe it! SHOPPER: Lynette! How long has it been?

LYNETTE:Years! Uh, how are you, how's the firm?

SHOPPER: Good, everyone misses you.

LYNETTE: Yeah.

SHOPPER: We all say, if you hadn't quit, you'd be running the place by now. LYNETTE: Yeah, well. (smiles, looking down)

SHOPPER: So?how's domestic life? Don't you just love being a mom?

NARRATOR: And there it was - the question that Lynette always dreaded.

LYNETTE: (hesitant) Well, to be honest...

NARRATOR: To those who asked it, only one answer was acceptable. So, Lynette

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

responded as she always did - she lied.

LYNETTE: It's the best job I've ever had. (smiling widely)

(Pan to:A cart comes out of an aisle behind LYNETTE and bumps into an elderly lady, who gasps and falls over. A man hurries to help her up. Sounds of glass breaking are heard as the twins are loudly fascinated by the commotion they're caused. LYNETTE closes her eyes, sighing.)

CUT TO: [INT. SOLIS HOUSE - BEDROOM --- DAY (LATER)]

(A schoolbus is seen through the open balcony door, driving along the road. GABRIELLE laughs softly offscreen. The camera pans back as we see GABRIELLE and JOHN naked in bed, covered with sheets. She leans across his body and lights up a cigarette.

JOHN: You know what I don't get?

GABRIELLE: What?

JOHN: Why you married Mr. Solis.

(GABRIELLE raises her eyebrows, blows out a mouthful of smoke and leans on JOHN, stroking his chest.)

GABRIELLE: Well, he promised to give me everything I've ever wanted. JOHN: Well, did he?

GABRIELLE: Yes.

JOHN: Then... why aren't you happy? (GABRIELLE takes a drag of her cigarette) GABRIELLE: Turns out I wanted all the wrong things.

JOHN: So. Do you love him?

GABRIELLE: I do. (sighs)

JOHN: Well, then, why are we here? Why are we doing this?

GABRIELLE: Because I don't wanna wake up some morning with a sudden urge to blow my brains out. (kisses JOHN, then takes another drag of her cigarette) JOHN: Hey, can I have a drag?

GABRIELLE: Absolutely not. You are much too young to smoke. (kisses JOHN again) CUT TO: [INT. MEYER HOUSE - KITCHEN --- NIGHT]

(SUSAN is fixing her hair in the mirror, nervous. JULIE is sitting at the kitchen table, doing a school project of making a model of the Trojan Horse out of popsicle sticks.) SUSAN: (exhales loudly) How would you feel about me using your child support payments for plastic surgery?

JULIE: Stop being so nervous, you're just asking him out to dinner. It's no big deal. SUSAN: You're right. (stalling) So, is that your project for school? You know in 5th grade I made the white house out of sugar cubes.

JULIE: Stop stalling and go. Before Mike figures out he can do better.

SUSAN: (gapes at JULIE) Tell me again why I fought for custody of you? JULIE: You were using me to hurt Dad.

SUSAN: Oh, that're right.

(SUSAN kisses JULIE's hair, then opens the kitchen back door to walk outside.) SUSAN: Oh god.

(JULIE smiles, looking back down at her project)

(Cut to:EXT. MIKE- PORCH - NIGHT SUSAN walks up the steps and rings MIKE's

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

doorbell. He opens the front door.)

SUSAN: (smiles) Hi.

MIKE: Hey, Susan.

SUSAN: Are you busy?

MIKE: No, not at all, what's up?

SUSAN: Well, I., I just was wondering, if, um, if there was any chance that, um, you would uh... (nervous laughter) I just... wanted to ask if... (EDIE appears at the door beside MIKE, holding a bottle of beer.)

SUSAN: (sees EDIE, surprised) Edie. What are you...?

EDIE: I was making ambrosia, and I made too much so I thought I'd bring some over to Mike. What's going on?

MIKE: Uh, Susan was just about to ask me something.

SUSAN: Uh... (beat) I have a clog.

MIKE: Excuse me?

SUSAN: And you're a plumber. Right? MIKE: Yeah.

SUSAN: The clog's in the pipe.

MIKE: Yeah, that's usually where they are.

SUSAN: (laughs) Well, I've got one.

MIKE: Well, let me get my tools.

SUSAN: Now? You wanna come over now? (uh oh.) Y-you have company. EDIE: I don't mind. (smiles innocently at SUSAN)

MIKE: Just give me 2 minutes. I'll be right over.

(EDIE smirks at SUSAN, then shuts the door. SUSAN lets out a small yelp as she rushes down the porch steps.)

(Cut to: INT. SUSAN- HOUSE - KITCHEN --- NIGHT SUSAN and JULIE are at the sink, frantically trying to stuff handfuls of hair down the sink.)

SUSAN: That's it, just stuff the hair down.

JULIE: I stuffed it; it's not enough to clog it.

SUSAN: Here, here, look. Put in this peanut butter. And this cooking oil. (grabs a jar of olives from the counter) And these olives!

JULIE: Mom, Mom I'm telling you it's not working.

(The doorbell rings. MIKE is seen through the window outside the kitchen back door. He looks in the window, smiling at SUSAN.)

SUSAN: Uh, oh god. That's him. How am I gonna stuff up the sink... (trails off as she and JULIE turn to notice JULIE's miniature Trojan horse sitting on the kitchen table.) (Cut to:INT. SUSAN- HOUSE - KITCHEN --- NIGHT (LATER))

(MIKE is lying on the ground, looking up at the pipes in the kitchen sink. SUSAN is leaning against the kitchen counter as he works.)

MIKE: Well. (takes a bunch of popsicle sticks out of a section of the pipes as he looks up at SUSAN, who tucks some hair behind her ear.) Here's your problem. Looks like somebody stuffed a bunch of popsicle sticks down there.

(JULIE creeps down the stairs to peer out at them.)

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

SUSAN: I've told Julie a million times not to play in the kitchen. (laughs) Kids, y' know?

(MIKE laughs understandingly as SUSAN looks up, smiling. JULIE catches SUSAN's eye and glares at her. SUSAN gestures apologetically at JULIE.)

CUT TO: [EXT. SADDLE RANCH CHOP HOUSE --- DUSK]

(Fade to: Interior of the restaurant, where the VAN DE KAMP family are sitting in a booth as a SERVER has just finished taking their orders.)

SERVER:Alright, I'll go put in your order. I'll be right back with your drinks and your plates for the salad bar. (walks away)

REX: Thank you.

BREE: Andrew, Danielle, napkins? (smiles at them)

ANDREW: They have video games. Can we go play until our food gets here? BREE: Andrew. This is family time. I think we should all...

REX: (interrupts BREE) Go ahead and play. (DANIELLE and ANDREW look at REX, surprised, as they get up and leave.)

BREE: I know that you think I'm angry about coming here, but I'm not. I mean, the kids wanted a change of pace, something fun. I get it. (smiles at REX) Probably will want something healthier tomorrow night though, I'm thinking about chicken? REX: (interrupts BREE) I want a divorce. (BREE looks at him, stunned) I just can't live in this... this detergent commercial anymore.

(The SERVER stops beside their table.)

SERVER:The salad bar's right over there, help yourself.

REX: Thank you.(watches as the SERVER walks away)

BREE: Um. Think I'll go get your salad for you.

(BREE takes his plate and walks to the salad bar. MRS. HUBER sees her and gets up, following BREE to the salad bar. BREE puts some lettuce leaves on the plate as MRS. HUBER comes up to her.)

MRS. HUBER:Bree Van De Kamp!

BREE: (looks up, startled) Oh, hello Mrs. Huber. (distractedly putting some onions onto REX's salad.)

MRS. HUBER:Oh we didn't get a chance to talk at Mary Alice's wake. How are you doing?

(BREE is lost for words, unable to answer as she looks back at REX sitting in their booth, avoiding her eyes.)

NARRATOR: Bree longed to share the truth about her husband's painful betrayal, but sadly for Bree, admitting defeat was not an option.

BREE: (smiles at MRS. HUBER) Great. Everything is just great. (puts some dressing on the salad) (Cut to:BREE slides back into their booth, where REX is sitting.)

BREE: Okay, well, I got you the honey mustard dressing; the ranch looked just a little bit suspect. (starts cutting the bread as REX sighs, starting on his salad)

REX: (chews the salad as he watches BREE) Are we gonna talk about what I just said? BREE: If you think I'm gonna discuss the dissolution of my marriage in a place where the restrooms are labelled "chicks" and "dudes "(looks up at REX), you're out

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

of your mind.

REX: (starts to choke, wheezing. He gestures at his salad) What's in this? BREE: What do you mean what's in this? It's salad.

REX: With?(coughing and wheezing) with onions?

BREE: What?

REX: (fighting for breath) You put onions in my salad!! (REX slides out of the booth, collapsing on the floor as he pulls the tablecloth, and everything on it, along with him on the ground. BREE stands up, stunned as she watches him collapsed on the floor.)

BREE: (gasps) No, I didn't! (realizing) Oh wait?

CUT TO: [INT. YOUNG HOUSE - ZACH'S ROOM --- NIGHT]

(A sound of a pick awakens ZACH, who slides out of bed, puts on his glasses and looks out the window.) NARRATOR: The sound that awakened my son was something he'd heard only once before, many years ago, when he was quite young.

(ZACH walks along the garden path, towards the sound. He comes to the pool, where PAUL has drained the water, and is digging the rocks and dirt on the bottom with a pick.)

NARRATOR: But he recognized it instantly.

(PAUL looks up at ZACH, who watches him, breathing hard. PAUL returns to his task, using the pick to loosen the concrete at the bottom of the pool systematically, lit by only a small light propped up next to him. ZACH just stands at the side of the pool, watching, as we hear the sounds of PAUL grunting as he hacks at the concrete.) NARRATOR: It was the sound of family secret. CUT TO: [EXT. WISTERIA LANE --- MORNING]

(Cut to:INT. SCAVO HOUSE - LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN --- MORNING LYNETTE is feeding the baby, trying to coax him to eat puréed peaches.)

NARRATOR: Seven days after my funeral, life on Wisteria Lane finally returned to normal. Which, for some of my friends, was unfortunate.

(The baby flicks a spoonful of peaches onto LYNETTE's face and shirt. The baby gurgles with laughter. She puts her head in her hands as PARKER appears at the open doorway.)

PARKER:Mommy, Mommy!

LYNETTE: (sotto) Now what.

PARKER:Daddy's home! (LYNETTE turns to look at the doorway, surprised.) (TOM appears at the door, holding a luggage bag, PORTER and PRESTON in his arms, PARKER hanging onto his trouser leg.)

TOM: (laughing) Come on! Is everybody home?

LYNETTE: Hey, yeah! (smiling and laughing, she gets up and picks up the baby. She is surprised, happy to see him.)

SCAVO kids: Yeah, yeah!

TOM: Hey!

LYNETTE: I wasn't expecting you for a week!

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

TOM: (puts PORTER and PRESTON on the floor as he pats the baby on the head. LYNETTE wipes some of the peach off her face.) I have to go back to Frisco in the morning. When I got your call, you sounded a little frazzled. (kisses LYNETTE) LYNETTE: Yeah! It's been a little rough!

TOM: Hmm, yeah, peaches.

PARKER:Daddy, Daddy, did you buy us any presents?

TOM: Oh god, presents. Oh, wait a minute, lemme see. (takes a rugby ball out of his bag) Ooooh.

SCAVO kids: Yaaaaayyy! (LYNETTE smiles)

TOM: But I'm not gonna give it to you, unless you promise me that you're gonna go outside right now and practice throwing for 20 minutes, okay? You promise? SCAVO kids: Yeah, yeah, yeah!! (all run outside)

TOM: Get out! Who's open! Go left! (throws the ball out the open doorway) SCAVO kids: Yeah yeah yeah!

TOM: Deeper, deeper, touchdown! (throws his arms up in the air)

(Cut to:TOM and LYNETTE, bursting through the doorway to their bedroom, kissing and giggling)

LYNETTE: Oh my god, oh my, oh! (They collapse on the bed, TOM on top of LYNETTE.)

LYNETTE: Ooh, you gotta be kidding! I'm exhausted! I look terrible, I'm covered in peaches!

TOM: Sorry baby, I gotta have you.

LYNETTE: (rubs her forehead with her hand) Well, is it ok if I just lie here? TOM: Absolutely. (kisses her)

LYNETTE: (giggles) I love you.

TOM: I love you more. (LYNETTE giggles as they kiss)

LYNETTE: Oh wait, I gotta tell you, I was having trouble with swelling, so the doctor took me off the pill, so you're just gonna have to put on a condom.

TOM: Condom?

LYNETTE: Yeah.

TOM: What's the big deal? Let's risk it.

LYNETTE: (incredulous) Let's risk it?

TOM: Yeah.

LYNETTE: Ooh! (hits him on the face)

(TOM collapses on the bed, groaning, holding his face. LYNETTE hits him with a stuffed toy.)

CUT TO: [INT. HOSPITAL - REX'S ROOM --- DAY]

(REX is lying in the hospital bed, watching BREE, who sits a chair next to the bed, avoiding his eyes.)

REX: I can't believe you tried to kill me.

BREE: Yes, well, I feel badly about that. I told you, Mrs. Huber came over and I got distracted. It was a mistake.

REX: Since when do you make mistakes?

BREE: (laughing) What's that supposed to mean?

学习英语的绝佳教材哦

REX: It means I'm sick of you being so damn perfect all the time. I-I-I'm sick of the bizarre way your hair doesn't move. I'm sick of you making the bed in the morning before I've even used the bathroom. (BREE looks incredulously at REX) You're, you're this plastic suburban housewife with her pearls and her spatula, who says things like We owe the Hendersons a dinner? (BREE looks down in at her lap, upset) Where's the woman I fell in love with? Who, who used to burn the toast, drink milk out of the carton, and laugh? I need her. Not this cold perfect thing you've become. BREE: (composes herself. She gets up and takes a vase off the table) These need water.

(BREE walks into the bathroom, putting the vase in the sink and filling it with water. She looks at herself in the mirror, and starts to cry, putting her hand over her mouth.)

NARRATOR: BREE sobbed quietly in the bathroom for 5 minutes. But her husband never knew. Because when Bree finally emerged, she was perfect.

(BREE walks out of the bathroom holding the vase, smiling serenely.) CUT TO:[EXT. SOLIS HOUSE - YARD --- NIGHT]

(CARLOS kneels on the sidewalk, putting his face close to the grass. GABRIELLE comes out of the front door, all dressed up in an elegant dress, hair curled on her head. She shuts the door and comes down the steps.)

GABRIELLE: I found my earrings, we can go now.

CARLOS: Was John here today?

(GABRIELLE stops short.)

GABRIELLE: Well, yeah.

CARLOS: The lawn hasn't been mowed. I've had it; we're getting a real gardener. GABRIELLE: Why??

CARLOS: Are you deaf? I just said, he's not doing his job.

GABRIELLE: It's dark, you just can't see that the lawn has been mowed. CARLOS: It hasn't been. Feel this grass.

GABRIELLE: I'm not feeling the grass! Let's just get going, come on! We're late! (walks off towards the car as CARLOS looks closely at the grass.)

(Cut to:EXT. OUTDOOR PARTY VENUE --- NIGHT)

(CARLOS walks with GABRIELLE on his arm. The party is filled with elegantly dressed people.)

CARLOS: (throws his car keys at the valet) Take care of it.

VALET: Yes, sir.

CARLOS: There's Tanaka. Time for me to go into my dance.

GABRIELLE: (smiles) Good luck, sweetheart. (kisses CARLOS on the cheek.) (CARLOS smiles at GABRIELLE and walks away towards TANAKA. GABRIELLE looks around, and stops a WAITER passing by.)

GABRIELLE: Oh, excuse me.

WAITER: Ma'am?

GABRIELLE: You see that man who just walked away? Can you make sure he has a drink in his hand all. night. long. (tucks a folded banknote in his pocket.) Waiter: (smiles) Yes, ma'am.

本文来源：https://www.bwwdw.com/article/cgmm.html