搞笑5人剧本

英语话剧

搞笑5人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

演员表：

西门吹雪

叶孤城

花满楼

king

旁白

道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。

第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠

旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .

Birds are dancing in the cold .

A man is walking along the street ,step by step .

Wind is coming in silence.

Another mysterious man approaches .

Y与X相遇．

X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !

Y:Haha, Never mind bay bay.

X:Excuse me， who are you on earth? could you tell me your name?

Y:ha ha ,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous-------YeGucheng. Who are you?

X:I am ximenchuixue.

Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?

X:Yes,what is wrong?

Y:I heard that you are the besting Martial Arts?

X:Great, youknowme !

Y抱腿：Please, please Don’tkillme! letmeyougo!

X:No, Imustkillyou !

Y:Idon''''''''''''''''twanttobekilled.Thereare aeighty-year-oldmotheandathree-yearold sontobelookedafterbyme!

X:Noway! Becausewearefightingnow!youknow?

Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don''''''''''''''''t forceme!

X:Pardon!

(Y拿出一袋牛奶)

X抢过牛奶:milk, verygood! Ilikedrinkingit. howdoyouknowthat?

Y:pleasedrinkit!

X喝完牛奶:Thanks, ha,ha

Y:Doyoustillwanttokillme?

X:Sure, must! milkismilk.

Y(恼怒+冷酷):Verygood! verygood! Ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!?

X:I’msureIwon’t!

英语话剧

Y:Imustgiveyoualesson!IfIdon''''''''''''''''tbeatyourthistime, you’llneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1-0! X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach !

Y大笑：HaHa

X可怜状: help! help! Whereisthewashroom?

Y:What ?

X:Toliet?

Y:What ?

X:The “WC”?

Y:Oh,I see ,goalongthisstreetandturnrightwhenyouseeacorssingroad!

X:Thanks,byebye.

Y掏出纸屑吹:Thisisgenuirnesnow!

H:Stop!Protectingtheenvironmentisabasicobligation!

Y:Whoareyou?

H:Hua---man----lou! Haveyouseenximenchuixue?

Y:Yes, hewasbeatenbymeandisin“WC” now,ha

H惊讶:Nowyouarethebestintheworld!

Y:Youareright!

H:Teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor! doyouwantjoininus?

Y:Yes,It’sverygood.

H:Ok, followme, Let’sgotoseemyking!

Y:Ok,Let’s go!

第二幕：无间道

H:Mydearest ! letmeintroduce yeguchengtoyou! （指Y） thisisyegucheng.

K:sitdownplese, yegucheng.

H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Doyouwanttofollowmykingnomatterwhathappenssuchascold headache,sair and aids?

Y: Yes,Ido.

K: Huamanlou, come . puttheringonhisfinger!（音乐停）

X唱着上:Onlyyou (看到戒子) thisringshouldbemine!

K:Butwhoareyou? whyshoulditbelongyou?

Y急切: king! dearking!Imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme!huoxi(维语再见)

K:huoxi? Whatdoesthatmean? ItisnotEnglish, isn’t it ?

Y:How clever

X冷酷:yegucheng! comehere!Iwanttotellyousomething!

Y抱X的腿:oldbrother ! Forgiveme!

X:Forgiveme? Why?

Y: Oncetherewasachangebeforeme,Ilostit. Ifthegodgivemeantherchance, I’lltellyou“I love you”,Iftheremustbea limited period,Ihopeitisthousandyear!

X:Youshall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can youtell thelady’s“WC”!

Y:Ilikegoinglady’s WC .I I IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶) X: m-i-l-k?haha, ayixidailu!(我爱你的意思)

K: ayixidailu?What’sthemeaning? whyIalsocan’tunderstandyou?

X:Youarestupid! Itmeans“I love you”.

K:Don’t saythat“you love me”. I’llkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!

英语话剧

X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You---kill----me?come, come (Ｘ上去抓住K)

K:Fuckyou. Imustkillyou!

X:Howcanyoukillme? haha

Y:Letmehaveatry! 3-2-1-0(X捂着肚子，蹲下)

K: thankyouverymuch, yousaveme. Now, I’llgiveyoutheticketforAmericantoletyou

haveavacation.

Y:That’s good. butthereisonemorething. canyougivemea MM ?IwanttogoAmericanwithher. K:ofcouse.Youaretheonewhohasthesimilartastewithme! Hahaha

Y:Hahaha-----

H:Where’ssomewhere?

K:What?

Y:Doyouwanttogolady’s“WC”?

X:Yes,I I do.

H顶着摇头：X,no, no， youcan’tgotoLady’s “WC”. Thatisnottheplacewhereyoucangointo ! becauseyouareX ! youarethe bestmanofChinesekongfu!

X: whatifI’mthebestintheword? !whyItrymybesttolivebutI’mstillsomiserable ? whencanIgetmyfreedom? mustbethedeadday ? !

K: youareright. onewillnotbecleveruntilthedayhedie. Inthatcase ,whywill you die in such a bad sorrow way !gointo theLady’s WC , thendie , comfortablly ! goahead !

H: you , stupid , bad behavior ! goaway !

K; why ? whydoyouhelphim ! whoacturallyareyou ?

H: myreal name isLuXiaofeng------the wifeofX .I’maspy.

K惊讶: !you---you---YouareLuXiaofeng ? X’wife ?

Y: Ihavealreadyrecognizedyou . atricker ! doyouknow, youarethefirst person who cheated me ! because of you ,Ideeide never believe anyone else ,including myself .you have destroyed my looking for you for many years ,just for today ! (轻声说)Ｘwilldie ,goandseehim ,please .

H扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope inthe fature and tomorrow is a goodbeginning !

K:what amoving story !I was impressed !

Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !

H: life isa progress ,and it is delight that itneedn’t resume !

(H忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)

Y痛苦状:don’tleave me here , you know I love you and I have nothing except you now ,please notabandon me !realizethat I’m wrong .help me,I intend to be back ,helpme ,I keyyou ,beg you------help me . I’ll never dothat again !(Y死，音乐停)

（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）

H: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .

X:gohome ! ?

H:Tomorrow is another day !evenyou have thelast secondto live,youshould be alive ,not only for me , but for ourlove !

X:doyouwant melivealifeinsuchasorrow way ? ok , ok , Ipromise I willbealive for you .but !youknow, Ihavenot timeleft ,but you have ,promisethatyou will be happy everyday !Youmustdome this honor... promise meyou will survive... that youwillnevergiveup...

英语话剧

nomatter what happens... no matter howhopeless... promise me now ,andnever let go of that promise.

H: I promise .

X:Never let go .

H:Ipromise . Iwill never let go ,

X.I''''''''ll never letgo.(X死)

H:be alive !yeah , bealive ! bealivewithout ahendance !lifecanbechanceliketimecangotoback . thereisbeatifulsnowbutinsping , solifecancomefromthebeginning ! （H自刎，艰难的爬到X身边死.音乐停。）

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