研究生英语阅读教程（基础级2版）课本13

READING SELECTION A

Laws (Principle) of Lasting Love

By Paul Pearsail

headmaster: n.; principal (a. n.), president/ dean

[1] During my 25 years as a marital therapist (consultant), I have seen hundreds of people disappointed over (about) unfulfilling (unsuccessful) relationships. I have seen passion turn to (become) poison. I have grieved with patients for the love they lost or never found. (bare infinitive/ Love is blind)

[2] \seemed to love so much (deeply), but now it's gone,\one woman lamented to me. \can't marriage be more than this?\

[3] It can (be colorful/ rich). I was once invited to the 60th anniversary celebration of a remarkable (worth mentioning) couple. I asked the husband, Peter, if he ever felt lonely and wondered where the love between him and Lita had gone. Peter laughed and said, \where your love went, you forgot that you are the one who makes (cultivate/ develop) it. Love is not out there; it's in here between Lita and me.\

[4] I know we can love deeply, tenderly and lastingly (forever). I have seen such love, and I have felt such love myself. Here are the laws I have discovered for such lasting and loving relationships:

[5] Put time (invest) where love is. A fulfilling (successful) marriage begins when two people make time together their No. 1 priority. If we hope to find love, we must first find (spare, vt.) time for loving.

[6] Unfortunately (unluckily), current (present) psychology rests on (based on) the model of the independent ego. To make a lasting marriage we have to overcome self-centeredness (selfishness). We must go beyond what psychologist Abraham Maslow called \to \

[7] Many couples have experienced a tragic moment that taught them to value the time together. One husband related (said) how he sat trapped in his car after a crash. His wife was outside, crying and banging on the window. \thought I was going to die before we'd (had) had enough time together,\now, and those hours are sacred.\

[8] In crisis, become as one. Just after a couple left my office one evening, I heard what sounded like a gunshot. I looked out the window and saw the couple backing (withdraw) toward their car, and the shadow of a large figure near a street light. Clinging together, the husband and wife kept backing away. The figure quickened his pace toward them, and the couple joined hands and ran to their car.

[9] As I dialed security, the figure came closer, and I saw it was one of our guards. I later discovered that the \that. Like herd animals, they had reacted to danger by coming together, in a \(When they were) Threatened, they had become one. [herdsman; be cautious of sth.]

[10] When I was struggling with cancer a few years ago, my wife and I formed our own

\join with me in a mutual embrace (hug). The reports were seldom good during the early phases (stages) of my illness, and one day a doctor brought particularly (especially) frightening news. Gazing at his clipboard, he murmured, \

[11] Before I could ask a question of this doomsayer, my wife stood up, handed me my robe, adjusted the tubes attached to my body and said, \health.\As (when) she helped me struggle to the door, the doctor approached us. \back,\demanded (ordered) my wife. \

[12] As (When) we walked together down the hall, the doctor attempted (tried) to catch up with us. \who really knows what is going on.\Then she held up her hand to the doctor. \any closer to us.\

[13] The two of us moved as one. We fled (flee->fleet/ escaped) to the safety and hope of a doctor who did not confuse diagnosis with verdict. I could never have made that walk toward wellness (safety/ health) alone.

[14] Take a loving look. How we see our partners often depends more on how we are than how they are. Husbands and wives are not audience, but participant observers in each other's lives.

[15] \once told me. \couch potato and watches ball games more than he watches me. He's gone from stud to spud.\

[16] \When we got married, you were beautiful. Now you wear that old robe. If I've gone from stud to spud, then you've gone from doll (angel) to drudge (黄脸婆/ 豆腐皮).\(intelligent/ handsome/beautiful/ considerate)

[17] This hurtful, infantile argument illustrates (shows) how spouses, instead of looking for love, may look for flaws. It is a way of seeing.

[18] Author Judith Viorst once wrote, \(foolishness) is when you think he's as gorgeous as Robert Redford, as pure (innocent) as Solzhenitsyn, as funny (interesting/ humorous) as Woody Allen, as athletic as Jimmy Connors, and as smart as Albert Einstein. Love is when you realize he's as gorgeous as Woody Allen, as smart (clever) as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Solzhenitsyn, as athletic as Albert Einstein, and nothing like Robert Redford in any category (degree) -- but you'll take (accept) him anyway.\

[19] This law of lasting love instructs (teaches) us to look with instead of for love.

[20] Try another perspective.\wife used to say. \=consider/ regard]

[21] \can you say that?\her husband would answer. \with any intelligence could see what a pain (nuisance) your mother is.\

[22] This argument illustrates (show) how some people spend their marriages struggling to change a spouse's mind. People in lasting-love marriages begin with the premise that there are many realities. They learn to accept different points of view. [spend time / money doing sth.]

[23] When this couple broke free of their one-reality trap, their problems were solved. \mother is a loving, caring pain in the neck,\

[24] As another husband said of his wife, \

do the same (thing) for her. We make a marital point of view between the two of us that is totally different from either one of us.\

[25] The lasting marriage is never sure of the separate \has complete confidence that the relationship will grow in a never-ending process of learning.

[26] Look out for No. 2. There is a powerful healing energy that emanates from loving. Lasting love can learn to sense (feel) it, send (give) it and make it grow. We are energized (motivated) by love if we put our energy into loving.

[27] Bad energy springs from (stem from) conflicts that arise (occurred) when two egos collide. When I watch husbands and wives argue with each other, I want to shout: \start loving!\win for your marriage.

[28] Marriage is designed (intended) primarily for giving rather than taking. It is meant (intended) to be a permanent union of two unselfish people. As one husband told me, \old saying was look out for No. 1. But we've learned to look out for No. 2. If you fight for yourself, only you can win. When you fight for your marriage, you both win.\

About the author

Paul Pearsail is an American contemporary author, director of problems of Daily Living Clinic in Sinai Hospital of Detroit, Michigan, lecturer at Henry Ford Community College and Wayne State University and director of Kinsey Summer Institute. His major writings include Master Your Emotions and Improve Your Health (1986), Super Marital Sex: Loving for Life (1987), Super Joy: Delight in Daily Living (1988), etc.

Exercises

I. Reading Comprehension

Answer the following questions or complete the following statements. 1. A couple who wonder where their love has gone probably _____. A. forget that it is they who created the love B. have never been able to find love C. have never had fulfilled relationships D. are too passionate

2. What is the most important thing a couple is supposed to do to have a fulfilling marriage? A. To rest on independent ego. B. To set aside time for loving. C. To go beyond love. D. To learn where love is.

3. What has the husband trapped in a car accident learned about love? A. How sacred love is.

B. How tragic an accident is.

C. The time with his wife is precious.

D. More promises to his wife are necessary.

4. Which of the following best explains \A. A couple are more cautious when they are together. B. It refers to people's herd-animal-like reaction to danger.

C. It is a crisis that is related to both husband and wife.

D. A couple become more closely united into one in times of danger.

5. After hearing the doctor's comment, the author's wife _____. A. believed that the doctor made the diagnosis with evil intentions B. concluded that doctor was no good to her husband C. decided to quit any medical treatment immediately D. demanded to have another favorable verdict

6. Which of the following best illustrates \A. Love me, love my dog. B. Love is blind.

C. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

D. Beauty and chastity (honesty) seldom agree.

7. Spouses looking for flaws instead of love often _____. A. become observers instead of participants in each other's lives B. become couch potatoes and go from stud to spud C. get to know more about each other's weakness D. get mixed up in hurting, babyish arguments

8. The phrase \_____.

A. some people spend their marriages struggling to change a spouse's mind B. short-lived marriages start with the premise that there are many realities C. the lasting marriage is never sure of the separate \D. a couple make a marital point of view that is totally different from either one

9. What does the author mean by \A. To learn to sense love and make it grow. B. To be energized by love.

C. To learn to love instead of fighting for oneself. D. To put energy into loving.

10. Which of the following statements is true according to the text? A. One must try to win in his/her marriage. B. Love is lost when one feels lonely. C. Lasting love is found in all marriages. D. Marriage is more of giving than taking.

II. Vocabulary

A. Read die following sentences and decide which of die four choices Mow each sentence is closest hi meaning to the underlined word.

1. The whole nation grieved for the death of the their president John Kennedy. A. was distressed B. was distributed C. was defeated D. was diminished

2. The central government collided with city parliament over its industrial plans. A. countered B. conflicted C. corresponded D. contested

3. A subtle influence emanates from the teacher upon his students. A. originates B. suffers C. vanishes (disappear) D. transmits

4. At the press conference, the crazy (mad) teenagers fully displayed their infatuation (foolishness) for their favorite movie stars. (fans) A. delusion (view-illusion) B. passion C. miracle (miraculous) D. inflation

5. Temples, mosques, churches and synagogues are all sacred buildings. A. spiritual B. earthly C. holy (sacred) D. secular (chronic) (circular argument)

6. The dinner table was gorgeous with silver, rare china, and flowers. (going out to dine/ diner/ dinner/ supper) A. beautiful B. luxurious C. lavish D. abundant (adj. enough)

7. Mr. Nathan lamented the fact that for 40 years Israel had been saying it had no one to talk to and now that (since) the other side was prepared to talk, Israel refused. A. recognized B. complained C. stated D. revealed

8. Western efforts to keep criminal money out of the banking system are based on the premise that banks can identify their customers, even when they act through nominees. A. constitution B. insurance

C. prediction (foretell) D. presupposition (presume=think)

9. The committee undertook a comprehensive diagnosis of the city's problem. (commit suicide/ do)

A. embrace B. survey C. investigation D. analysis (->analyze)

10. The frequent hurtful, infantile arguments between couples will inevitably lead to disaster. A. innocent B. mutual C. simplistic D. childish

B. Choose the best word or expression from the list given for each blank. Use each word or expression only once and make proper changes where necessary.

rest on gaze at break free spring from verdict perspective marital permanent fulfilling ego

1. I used to gaze at it and wish that I could have a dog just like the one in the picture. (gape/ gap)

2. If you manage to break free from your attacker, run to the nearest source of help, whether it's a house with lights on, an open garage, pub (public house/ inn) or shop, or a police or fire station -- any place where you can find people, a telephone, weapons or cover.

3. The boys' attention did not spring from (stem from) concern (worry) for Alec but concern for themselves if Alec was cut (wounded/ hurt) and needed to see the nurse.

4. His lawyers will almost certainly appeal against the verdict (appeal court).

5 Perhaps we are now in a position (ready/ willing) to give, from a parental perspective, an alternative (choice) interpretation (explanation) of what exactly it means to \to terms with (tolerate/ accept)\

6. Not only had the children suffered the loss of a parent but the family was further fragmented by the absence of one or more children as a direct or indirect result of the marital breakdown. 7. China's foreign policy rests on (based on), the principle of equality and mutual benefit. 8. This high quality wax gives car permanent protection against acid rain. 9. We know there are senses (feelings) that feel good, that status and ego are important, and that money is not a substitute for health, happiness, companionship, or emotional security.

10. The past (last) 10 years have been the happiest and most fulfilling (successful) of his life.

III. Cloze

There are ten blanks in the following passage. Read the passage ea fully and choose the best answer front the four chokes given below the passage.

be at one’s prime time

In the past, young people in America usually lived with their parents until they got married. Today, some still 1 do. Yet most young people live (lead) a more independent life. They have a job. They travel. They rent or own their own apartment or house. They wait longer to get married. 2 While (they were) waiting, they date (go dating). [to find oneself=to find the proper place for oneself]

Often a friend will plan a meeting between two unmarried people who do not know 3 one another. This is called a \ 4 blind. They just have never seen each other. [be in the darkness]

However, most unmarried people have to find their own 5 dates. Many go to public eating, drinking or dancing places. Every city in America has them. Some places are 6 popular with young people. Others are for older people.

Many Americans want to go where they are sure they can meet people with similar 7 interests. For example, they may go to a bookstore. Some bookstores in America now serve coffee and food. Many 8 offer special programs (project) and social activities for single people. Other singles join health clubs to exercise and to meet people. 9 Or, they may join groups for people who like to take long walks or watch birds. When they 10 get along well enough, they may decide to spend the rest of their lives together. 1. A. are B. hold C. do D. go 2. A. While wait B. While waiting C. When waited D. When to wait 3. A. each time B. one by one C. one another D. the other 4. A. blind B. dumb C. foolish D. lame 5. A. mates B. couple C. colleagues D. dates 6. A. potential B. popular C. populous D. positive 7. A. intensity B. intention C. interests D. interaction 8. A. offer B. award C. give D. rent 9. A. Too B. However C. Or D. So 10. A. get off B. get along C. live through D. live up to

IV. Translation

Put the following parts into Chinese.

1. A fulfilling marriage begins when two people make time together their No. 1 propriety. If we hope to find love, we must first find time for loving.

当两个人都把抽时间多聚在一起当成各自的第一要事，一个美满的婚姻才会开始。如果我们希望去寻找爱，首先我们必须找时间去爱。

2. Unfortunately, current psychology rests on the model of the independent ego. To make a

lasting marriage we have to overcome self-centeredness. We must go beyond what psychologist Abraham Maslow called \to \We have to learn to put time where love is.

令人遗憾的是，目前心理学都注重独立的自我模式。要使婚姻持久，我们就必须克服以自我为中心。我们必须超越亚伯拉罕?马斯洛声称的“自我实现”，而要“共同实现”。我们要学会把时间放在爱上。

3. How we see our partners often depends more on how we are than how they are. Husbands and wives are not audience, but participant observers in each other's live.

我们如何看待对方通常更多地取决于我们而不是他们。丈夫和妻子不是观众，而是相互生活中的参与者和观察者。

4. This argument illustrates how some people spend their marriages struggling to change a spouse's mind. People in lasting-love marriages begin with the premise that there are many realities. They learn to accept different points of view.

这一争吵表明一些人如何把婚姻耗费在努力改变对方的想法上面。在爱情持久的婚姻中，人们的出发点是：婚姻有许多现实问题，他们要学着去接受不同的观点。

5 As one husband told me, \out for No. 2. If you fight for yourself, only you can win. When you fight for your marriage, you both win.\

正如一位丈夫告诉我的：“俗话说要争先做主。现在我们学会了退让一步当第二。如果你为自己奋斗，成功的仅仅是你自己。当你为自己的婚姻而奋斗时,你们就会双赢。”

6. There is a powerful healing energy that emanates from loving. Lasting love can learn to sense it, send it and make it grow. We are energized by love if we put our energy into loving.

爱能释放出强大的治愈能量。持久的爱知道去感悟，去给予，使这份爱成长壮大。如果我们把精力投入爱，我们就能从爱中汲取力量。

7. Marriage is designed primarily for giving rather than taking. It is meant to be a permanent union of two unselfish people.

婚姻的本质是给予而不是索取。它应该是两个无私个体的永久结合。

V. Oral Practice and Discussion

1. What are the laws for lasting and loving relationship discovered by the author? 2. What are the causes of marriage problems in the modern society? 3. How do you understand the advice \

4. To solve the marriage problems mentioned in the text, what are your proposals other than those given by the author?

5. Do you believe love can be romantic while marriage has to be practical? Why?

VOCABULARY ITEMS

1. therapist: n. one who specializes in the provision of a particular therapy临床医生

2. unfulfilled: adj. unhappy or unsatisfactory令人不快的，令人不满意的; be full of sth./ fill with sth./ fulfill=accomplish/ achievement

3. grieve: v. to cause to be sorrowful; distress伤心，悲痛; grief (n.)

4. lament: v. to regret deeply; express grief for or about痛惜，悔恨，惋惜; layman

5. anniversary: n. the annually recurring date of a past event, especially one of historical, national, or personal importance周年纪念; annual (adj.)

6. ego: n. the self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves;自我，尤指不同于世界和其他个体; egoism (n.)

7. self-actualization: n. 自我实现

8. bang: v. to strike heavily and often repeatedly; bump重击，沉重并且通常是反复地打击；撞击; bumper

9. sacred: adj. made or declared holy神圣的

10. clipboard: n. a small writing board with a spring dip at the top for holding papers or a writing pad写字板，剪贴板

11. doomsayer: n. one who predicts calamity (danger) at every opportunity灾难预言者; doom’s book; dome

12. intravenous: adj. within or administered (inject) into a vein静脉的

13. diagnosis: n. the act or process of identifying or determining the nature and cause of a disease or injury诊断; diagnose

14. verdict: n. an expressed conclusion; a judgment or an opinion定论，裁决; verify (vt.) 15. stud: n. a male animal that is kept for breeding; a man regarded as virile and sexually active留种的雄畜，性欲旺盛的男子

16. spud: n. a potato土豆 17. drudge: n. a person who does tedious, menial, or unpleasant work苦力; drudgery 18. infantile: adj. a lack of maturity; extremely childish幼稚的，孩子气的; baby->babe

19. infatuation: n. a foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction愚蠢的，非理性的或过分的激情或迷恋

20. gorgeous: adj. dazzlingly beautiful or magnificent眩目艳丽的; pretty 21. perspective: n. a point of view of sth.观点; perceive: understand

22. premise: n. a statement or idea on which reasoning is based前提; be based on sth. else. The film is based on (adapted from a novel of the same title.

23. therapist: n. one who specializes in the provision of a particular therapy临床医生 24. emanate: v. to come or send forth发出，散发; e-: out

25. permanent: adj. lasting or remaining without essential change永久的

26. rest on: to be directed on or fall on停留，基于; arrest: have a rest; to rest for a while.

27. couch potato: person who loves to watch TV programs and becomes fat without enough physical exercise爱看电视而不愿意运动的胖人; coach 28. a pain in the neck: （美俚）讨厌的家伙/任务; Noise is a nuisance.

Notes Abraham Maslow: American psychologist, famous for his concept of a hierarchy of needs; hierarchical needs. Jungle law

READING SELECTION B

Why We Love Who We love

By Joyce Brothers

[1] Have you ever known a married couple that just didn't seem as though they should fit together -- yet they are both happy in the marriage, and you can't figure out why? I know of one couple: He is a burly ex-athlete. Meanwhile, his wife is petite, quiet and a complete homebody. She doesn't even go out to dinner.

[2] What mysterious force drives us into the arms of one person, while pushing us away from another who might appear equally desirable to any unbiased observer?

[3] One of the many factors influencing our idea of the perfect mate, one of the most telling, according to John Money, professor emeritus of medical psychology and pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, is what he calls our “lovemap” -- a group of messages encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes. It shows our preferences in hair and eye color, in voice, smell, body build. It also records the kind of personality that appeals to us, whether it's the warm and friendly type or the strong, silent type.

[4] In short, we fall for and pursue those people who most clearly fit our lovemap. And this lovemap is largely determined in childhood. By age eight, the pattern for our ideal mate has already begun to float around in our brains.

[5] When we're little, our mother is the center of our attention, and we are the center of hers. So our mother's characteristics leave an indelible impression, we are forever attracted to people with her facial features, body type, personality, even sense of humor. If our mother was warm and giving, as adults we tend to be attracted to people who are warm and giving. If our mother was strong and even-tempered, we are going to be attracted to a fair-minded strength in our mates.

[6] The mother has an additional influence on her sons: she not only gives them clues to what they will find attractive in a mate, but also affects how they feel about women in general. So if she is warm and nice, her sons are going to think that's the way women are. They will likely grow up warm and responsive lovers and also be cooperative around the house.

[7] Conversely, a mother who has a depressive personality, and is sometimes friendly but then suddenly turns cold and rejecting, may raise a man who becomes a dance-away lover. Because he's been so scared about love from his mother, he is afraid of commitment and may pull away from a girlfriend for this reason.

[8] While the mother determines in large part what qualities attract us in a mate, it’s the father -- the first male in our lives -- who influences how we relate to the opposite sex. Fathers have an enormous effect on their children's personalities and chances of marital happiness.

[9] Just as mothers influence their son's general feelings toward women, fathers influence their daughter's general feelings about men. If a father lavishes praise on his daughter and demonstrates that she is a worthwhile person, she'll feel very good about herself in relation to men. But if the father is cold, critical or absent, the daughter will tend to feel she's not very lovable or attractive.

[10] What about opposites? Are they really attracted to each other? Yes and no. In many ways we want a mirror image of ourselves. Physically attractive people, for example, are usually drawn to a partner who's equally attractive.

[11] In addition, most of us grow up with people of similar social circumstances. We hang around with people in the same town; our friends have about the same educational backgrounds and career goals. We tend to be most comfortable with these people, and therefore we tend to link up with others whose families are often much like our own.

[12] However, there are instances where people of different social backgrounds end up getting married and being extremely happy. I know of one man, a factory worker from a traditional Irish

family, who fell in love with an African-American Baptist. When they got married, their friends and relatives predicted a quick failure. But 25 years later, the marriage is still strong.

[131 Is there such a thing as \what happens in that instant is the couple probably discovers a unique something they have in common. It could be something as mundane as they both were reading the same book or were born in the same town. At the same time they recognize some trait in the other that complements their own personality.

[14] I happen to be one of those who was struck by the magic wand. Milt and I were married for 39 years, until his death in 1989. And all that time we experienced a love called a 'feeling of fusion, of oneness\

Reading Comprehension

Answer the following questions ur complete the following statements.

1. The author chooses a couple of a burly man and a petite woman as an example _____. A. to show the mysterious force of love B. to illustrate a happy marriage

C. to support the idea of an unbiased observer D. to criticize the view of an unbiased observer

2. According to the text, a lovemap probably _____. A. determines whether a marriage will last long B. is personal preference imprinted in our minds C. records what kind of personality we have D. is most people's idea of the perfect mate

3. Which of the following statements is true according to the author's description of lovemap? A. The messages in our lovemap are inherited.

B. Lovemap will determine how happy we are in a marriage. C. Our lovemap develops in the early phase of our life. D. Lovemap won't develop fully until we grow up.

4. The word \A. the most important B. able to last longer

C. irreplaceable or unique D. irremovable or inerasable

5. According to the text, a son will grow up cooperative in the house if _____. A. his lovemap is not damaged

B. his mother is a warm and nice women C. he feels good about woman in general D. his mother has additional influence on him

6. A dance-away lover probably means one who _____. A. was deeply hurt by his mother when he was a kid B. is cold and rejecting in depressive mood

C. may turn away from his girlfriend out of fear of commitment D. is too responsive to and cooperative with any woman

7. What is father's role in influencing children's love affairs?

A. Father sets an example of a good husband for his sons. B. Father decides what kind of qualities our mate shall have. C. Father determines the happiness of his children's marriage.

D. Father shapes kids' view on their relationship with the other sex.

8. Why do people tend to link up with people with similar background to our own? A. Because we will feel comfortable with them. B. Because they attract us in many ways. C. Because they are physically attractive. D. Because we hold prejudice against others.

9. Does the author believe \A. No. There is no such thing in the world. B. No. It is a feeling to be proved wrong later.

C. Yes. Especially when the two find something in common. D. Yes. Especially when they are extremely attractive.

10. According to the text, why do people love who they love? A. It is determined by how much people know about each other. B. It is dominated by mysterious magic wand. C. This is an inexplicable question to any scientist.

D. Their choice of the mate is largely determined by their parents.

VOCABULARY ITEMS

1. burly: adj. of broad body and strong muscles魁梧，强壮的

2. petite: adj. (of a woman) small and slim娇小的（常用于形容妇女）

3. homebody: n. one whose interests center on the home把家庭放在第一位的男人，喜欢在家消遣的男人

4. telling: adj. showing the true nature of sth. /sb.生动，显著，说明问题的 5. emeritus: adj. keeping as an honor after retiring名誉退休的，退休的

6. pediatrics: n. the area of medicine that is concerned with the treatment of children's illness [医] 小儿科

7. indelible: adj. that cannot be removed, erased, or washed out去不掉的，不能拭除的

8. responsive: adj. quick to react to people or events and show emotions易起反应的，共鸣的 9. commitment: n. a faithful promise to do sth.许诺，承担义务 10. marital: adj. of marriage婚姻的

11. lavish: v. to spend a lot of; give generously非常大方的，过分丰富的，浪费的 12. baptist: n.浸信会教徒

13. mundane: adj. ordinary and not at all unusual平凡，世俗的 14. trait: n. a particular characteristic, quality, or tendency特性

15. wand: n. a long thin rod that magicians use to perform magic棍棒，权杖，魔棒 16. fusion: n. joining together to form one thing熔化，熔解，熔合，熔接 17. fall for: to be strongly attracted to and love sb.爱上，倾心 Notes

Baptist: A member of an evangelical Protestant church of congregational polity, following the reformed tradition in worship, and believing in individual freedom, in the separation of church and

state, and in baptism of voluntary, conscious believers.浸信会教徒，卫理公会教福音派新教的一员，使用改革的祈祷传统，崇尚个人自由，政教分离和自愿洗礼，理智信仰。

课文参考译文

第＋三课A 永葆爱情的法则

保罗· 皮尔索尔

[l］我做婚姻专家25 年，遇见过数百对婚姻不美满、失望之极的夫妇。我目睹激情蜕变成煎熬。我与病人们一起哀伤他们失去的抑或是从未找到的真爱。

[2] “我们曾经是那么相爱，可如今爱一去不复返了，”一位女士向我哭诉。“即使他就在我旁边，为什么每晚我还会感到如此孤独？难道婚姻就不能有更多的内容？\

[3］可以的。我曾应邀参加一对了不起的夫妇的60 周年结婚纪念。我问丈夫彼得是否曾经觉得孤独，不知道他和丽塔之间是否还有爱。彼得大笑道：“如果你觉得爱不复存在，那么你就忘了你就是爱的缔造者之一。爱不在彼而在此，在我和丽塔之间。”

[4] 我知道我们可以爱得深沉，爱得温柔，爱得永远。我见过这样的爱，而且我自己也感受过这样的爱。以下是我发现的永葆爱情的法则：

[5］给爱时间。美满的婚姻始于两个人都把抽时间多聚在一起当成各自的第一要事。如果我们希望找到爱，首先我们必须找时间去爱。

[6］令人遗憾的是，目前心理学都注重独立的自我模式。要使婚姻持久，我们就司血必须克服以自我为中心。我们必须超越亚伯拉罕· 马斯洛声称的“自我实现”，要“共同实现”。我们要学会把时间给爱。

[7]不少经历过不幸的夫妇都懂得珍惜相聚的时刻。一位丈夫讲述了撞车后他被困在车里的经历。他的妻子在车外面，哭喊着敲打车窗。“我以为我会死，而我们在一起还没有呆够，”他告诉我。“那时我发誓要花时间来爱我的妻子。我们的时间现在属于我们自己了，而且这些时间弥足珍贵。”

[8］共度危难。一天傍晚，就在一对夫妻离开我办公室时，我听见了似乎是枪的声音。我往窗外看去，见这对夫妇退向他们的汽车，街灯附近是一个大大的人影。丈夫和妻子紧紧相拥，一直往后退。那个人影也加快了脚步奔向他们，这对夫妇手挽手跑向他们的汽车。 [9]就在我打电话给保安的时候，人影靠近了，我认出那是我们的一个保安。后来我得知，那个“枪声”与那对夫妇无关，但他们当时并不知道。就像群居的动物，面对危险时，他们倚在一起，形成“伴侣警示圈”。受到威胁时，他们成为一个整体。

[10]儿年前，当我与癌症病魔抗争时，我和妻子组成了我们自己的“伴侣警示圈”。每次医生来告知我病情发展的情况，我妻子都会与我相拥着。得病早期基本上没有什么好消息。一天，一位医生带来了极其可怕的消息。他盯着病历本，咕嚷道，“看来你迈不过这个坎。” [11］我还没来得及向这位灾难预言者提问，我妻子就站了起来，把我的长袍递给我，调整好连在我身上的管子，说道，“我们走。这个人对你的健康是个威胁。”她搀扶着我艰难地走向门口，那位医生走过来。“走开，”我妻子命令道。“离我们远点儿。”

[12]〕我们一起沿走廊往外走，医生试图追上我们。“别停，”我妻子说，一边推着静脉输液架。“我们要找个明白的人谈谈。”然后她抬手指向医生，“别再靠近我们。” [13]我俩并肩前进，形同一人。我们逃离到安全的地方，希望找到一位不会混淆问诊和

判决的医生。没有她，我永远也不可能走向康复。

[14]温情相视。伴侣在我们眼中的形象与其说取决于他／她们如何做，不如说取决于我们如何看。丈夫和妻子不是观众，而是相互生活中的参与者和观察者。

[15]“结婚之前，我丈夫对我呵护有加，精力旺盛，”一位妻子曾对我说，“他好像都没法把他的手从我身上挪开。我们结婚以后，他变成了一个‘沙发土豆’，看球赛的时间远多过看我的时间。他从猛男变成了面瓜。” [16] “可笑，”丈夫回答道。“但是你最近有没有看看你自己？结婚的时候，你很漂亮。现在却穿着那件旧袍子。如果我从猛男变成了面瓜，那你就从洋娃娃变成了老黄瓜。” [17]这种伤人、幼稚的争辩反映了伴侣们不是彼此寻找爱，而是相互指责。问题在于看问题的方式。

[18]作家朱迪思· 维奥斯特曾经写道：“所谓迷恋，就是你认为他像罗伯特· 雷司必德福般英俊，像索尔仁尼琴般单纯，像伍迪· 艾伦般风趣，吉米· 康纳斯般健硕，艾伯特· 爱因斯坦般聪明。所谓真爱，是当你意识到他有伍迪· 艾伦的模样，吉米· 康纳斯的智商，索尔尼仁琴的幽默，艾伯特· 爱因斯坦的健壮，没一处像罗伯特· 雷德福― 但你仍然会选择他。”

[19］这些永葆爱情的法则指导着我们带着爱去看对方，而不是寻找爱在哪里。 [20］换个角度。“你难道看不出你对我母亲的误解多深吗？”一名气愤的妻子曾经这么说道。“她在我们眼中是个圣人，可你把她说成是个魔鬼。” [21] “你怎么能这么说？”她的丈夫可能会说。“傻瓜都能看出你妈妈是多么让人烦。” [22］这一争吵表明一些人如何把婚姻耗费在努力改变对方的想法上面。在爱情持久的婚姻中，人们的出发点是：婚姻有许多现实问题。他们学会了接受不同的观点。

[23]当这对夫妻不再只从自己的角度看问题，他们的矛盾就解决了。“我母亲是一个关爱我们的讨厌鬼，”这位妻子现在承认道。

[24］另一位丈夫谈论他妻子说，“她令我眼界大开。她看到我从来看不到的。我也以同样的方式帮她。我们在彼此之间找到一个婚姻的角度看待事物，而这与我俩任何一个人的角度都是完全不同的。”

[25］持久的婚姻并不明了构成其的独立“自我”是什么样的。但有一点它是完全有信心的，只要双方不断增进了解，婚姻关系就会日益增进。

[26］适时退让。爱能释放出强大的治愈能量。持久的爱知道去感悟，去给予，使这份爱成长壮大。如果我们把精力投入爱，我们就能从爱中汲取力量。

[27]不好的力量源于两个自我在碰撞时产生的分歧。当我看见夫妻们争吵时，我想喊：“成熟点，别吵了，开始相爱吧！”学会如何去爱远远胜过学会如何争吵。不要试图赢过对方，而应赢得婚姻。

[28]婚姻的本质是给予而不是索取。它应该是两个无私个体的永久结合。正如一位丈夫告诉我的：“俗话说要争先做主。现在我们学会了退让一步当第二。如果你为自己争，赢的仅仅是你自己。当你为自己的婚姻而争，你们就会双赢。”

第＋三课B 相爱的奥秘 乔伊斯· 布拉泽斯

[l］你可曾认识一对看上去很不般配可婚姻却十分幸福的夫妇。其中的原因让你百思不得其解。我就认识这么一对：丈夫身材魁梧，曾是一名运动员，妻子娇小、文静，典型的居家主妇。她甚至都不出去吃饭。

[2]到底是什么神奇的力量使我们投入某个人的怀抱，而不是在毫无偏见的旁观者眼里同样可人的另一位？

[3］约翰· 莫尼，约翰斯· 霍普金斯大学医学心理学和儿科学的名誉退体教授，姐参认为在影响我们择偶的诸多因素中，最能说明问题的是一种他称为“爱迹图”的东西：它是我们大脑中的一组编码信息，记载着我们的爱嘈。它显示我们在头发、眼睛的颜色、声音、气味以及身材等方面的偏爱。它也记录什么样的人对我们具有吸引力，是热情友善的呢，还是坚强沉稳的那种。

[4]总之，我们爱恋和追求的人是最符合我们的爱迹图的那些人。而这张图受孩提时代的影响最大。到8 岁时，我们理想伴侣的形象已经漂浮在我们的脑海里了。

[5］小时候，母亲是我们生活的中心，而我们也是她生活的中心。于是母亲的特点给我们留下了无法抹去的影响。我们永远被与她的脸部特征、身材、个性乃至幽默感相似的人所吸引。如果我们的母亲是热情大方的，我们长大成人时就会被热情大方的人所吸引。如果我们的母亲是坚强沉稳的，我们也将被伴侣身上的冷静所吸引。

[6]母亲对儿子还有一个影响：她不仅影响孩子如何择偶，而且对如何看待女性起着潜移默化的作用。因此，如果她是热情友好的，她的儿子们将认为女性就是这样的。他们长大后也很可能成为热情和富有责任心的恋人，并且愿意承担部分家务。

[7]相反，一个忧郁的、时而友好时而冷酷或绝情的母亲，其儿子长大后会是个靠不住的恋人。因为他从母亲那里感受到对爱的恐惧，因此会害怕做出承诺，并为此与女朋友分道扬镰。

[8］虽然母亲在很大程度上决定着我们挑选什么样的配偶，可是父亲― 我们生活中的第一个男人― 也影响我们如何与异性交往。父亲对孩子们的个性及婚姻是否幸福有着巨大影响。

[9］正如母亲影响儿子对女性的总体看法，父亲影响女儿对男性的态度。如果父亲对女儿大加赞扬，并表示她是一个值得去爱的人，她在与男人交往时将会自我感觉良好。但如果父亲是一个冷酷无情、吹毛求疵或者心不在焉的人，女儿就会感到自己不太可爱或者缺乏魅力。

[10]异性双方呢？他们真的是互相吸引吗？答案似是而非。在许多方面我们希望爱人像我们自己。比如，外貌出众的人通常会被同样迷人的异性所吸引。[11 ］另外，我们大部分人与社会背景相同的人一起长大。我们与居住在同一城镇的人交往；我们的朋友有着相似的教育程度和事业理想。我们与这些人在一起时感觉最舒服，因此更容易与家庭背景相似的人交朋友。

[12]然而，也有些人社会背景不同，可婚姻极其美满。我认识一个工人，他来自传统的爱尔兰裔家庭，却爱上了一个身为浸礼会教友的非裔美国人。他们结婚时，朋友和亲戚都预测婚姻会很快失败。可25 年过去了，他们的婚姻依然坚如磐石。

[13]世界上有没有“一见钟情”的事？为什么没有？当人们被爱神之箭射中时，在那一瞬间他们也许发现他们共同拥有某种独特的东西。也许它很平淡无奇，比如他们正在阅读同一本书，或在同一个镇出生。而且他们也认识到对方有某些特征可以与自己互补。 [14]我本人就是被爱情这一魔杖击中的人。米尔特和我在一起生活了39 年，直到1989 年

他去世。我们的爱情可谓是“水乳交融、如胶似漆的感情”，当我们不断改司必成长以及共同走完生命的历程时，这份感情仍然甜蜜如初。

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